Worst enemy is uncertainty.

I was thinking today, and since that´s not very common I figured I had to write something.

UNCERTAINTY, what a fuck head it is. I know life is full of it, full of uncertain things the only thing certain in life is that we are all going to die, I made piece with that some time ago, so I should be enjoying life more the problem is that part of my enjoyment is walking  in the path that probably Satan paved. That´s why the fuck I end up as I have.

Every week I have to go to the doctor, and I don´t know what the fuck she´s going to tell me about my pancreas, seems it´s doing better but  the Doc, tells me that even if I live the life of a monk and eating like Angelina Jolie, there´s always the possibility of something hitting me, of something inside my body getting all messed up. So every week I go not knowing if she´ll say `you gotta stay in the hospital for some more evaluation´. And that fucks up my days, staying in a hospital bed, getting flag poles all over my arms(the needles are the flag poles),and since a lot of my veins just don´t work because they´ve been so much pinched and sucked so much antibiotics it fucks them up so they poke me about five times before they find a vein that will work to take blood samples or put me antibiotics, or whatever the hell they want to put in. Forget about the weekly visits to the Doc, I don´t even know if the next day I´m going to come down with fever or stomach ace. Anyways the only thing good about seeing a Doctor is that she is a hottie, man I even think about screwing her while I´m lying down in bed with my arms full of needles, who the fuck has that type of thing running through his or her brain while you’re in a dire situation….Fuck me, it´s just me.

Maybe is my coping mechanism, didn´t happen though while I was being shot at but again there weren´t any women around, they should put women in the front lines, why not? You get shot at, you look at this hot girl soldier next to you, preferably in a bikini type of military outfit, that will pump your moral up and instead of finding cover to later shoot back I would have thrown my rifle to the floor and run across the open field and slap them to death….I´m getting off track here, sorry.

So I have finally got to the point where I compartmentalise things pretty good, I´ve always been good at it though. Don´t know why but  if for example I´m writing and a bomb goes off next to me, I´ll look at the crater say something like `what the fuck, shit´and then keep writing like nothing happened. If I´m focus in doing something I´m able to not let negative influences affect me right then and there, I´ll deal with them later but I won´t let them fuck up whatever it is that I´m doing at the moment. Getting of track again, I have a rule that I don´t edit and don´t do outlines when I write a post(I do some little editing, but very little) so pretty much the words just role out of my head into my fingers and into the computer, fuck me, makes sense?

So what do you do, you live the moment you live day by day and enjoy, so Stay Frosty gents.