I ´m unable to say I´m for euthanasia. In my previous experiences with death there was a glimmer of hope, a one percentage, even though you or your buddies might end up living a bad life, fuck it I prefer to keep on fighting a bad life than to be a coward and kill myself or have somebody else kill me.
Now is different, when I spend a week with my uncle who is dying of aids, and he is in the terminal phase. He doesn´t have the strength to walk, he pisses blood, shits blood, out of his mouth comes blood, his legs hurt because of thrombus, he can´t eat and he´s still begging for a hamburger. We gave him custard and as quick as it went down his thought it came back out. Through all this I was there. My mother is still there with him. I remember him sleeping, me sitting next to him and it was like watching a corpse. A very skinny corpse. So we did a 24 hour rotation me and my mother. I went there at around 6 p.m and stayed there until 6 p.m the next day. Not easy by the way, I think I found it easier being in combat and I´m not kidding. You´re sleeping, or better said nodding off and on in a fucked up chair with one eye open watching my uncle nurses come and go, families cry because of the death of someone two doors down. And I was there for only 7 days, my mother has been there for a hole month. I told her I could get back on the train and be there in 3 hours.She said no, go back home, clean the house, take care of the dogs, or her dogs, and make sure your father is O.K. Better not talk about dad since the man if you take him out of his comfort zone which is his job, he´s unable to function. I´m the one that looks what is about to be finished, do we have enough spagettis, or rice or toilet paper or whatever other shits you need in a big house. So mom know I can do that job, so she sends me there, she knows my father is under a lot of pressure because of his work and he has to be focus on that. So each one play´s it´s part.
My mother has been watching this and staying with him for a month, and she is 59! Even the nurses told me how the hell could she endure such thing, they never saw it. Family members they told me, at this stage of his fucked up body usually take them to a place where there are caregivers that will take care of them until they die. Not my mom, I told her plainly, “Mom, the reality is that he won´t last very long, don´t know how long but he is not going to get better he is going to get worst”. She nodded. And said “He´s my brother, he´s a great guy, I can´t can´t leave this kid here alone.” So I´m back at my parents house and on next Monday the 23 I´ll be back with her and my uncle if he still alive by then to do the 24 hour rotation. What a fucking Christmas right?(That´s why I saved so many posts)
I can deal with it though, and mom knows it, that´s why I´m going back and forth from Malaga to Madrid in the fucking “bullet” train in just 3 hours. The fucking bullet train that the government spend God know how much money and now it´s empty because the country is broke and the fairs don´t seem to go down.
My uncle is perfectly lucid in the head, he knows it´s coming, you try to make some kind of jokes here and there but right now he´s not up to that. He seems tired of living like that. He´d love to be at his little apartment taking care of his “babies” which are his flowers, buying little things to adorn his apartment, can´t get more gay than that, but he loves it. And he knows he will never be going to do those things. My mother says he rarely talks right now, he´s pissed off because he has to be taken care off when all his life he´s done things for himself. I never thought I would say this but I do hope he dies soon and his misery ends. And also our misery, because it´s quite hard to see a person you love be in that state. But there is that glimmer, not of living because he´s in the terminal phase but of us being around him. And even though some days, all days really is misery, we don´t cry, we stay strong, we keep him strong and as happy as he can be until he eventually takes his last breath.
Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.