I´m going wild here, I´m a wild rider, I´m the lion chasing the gazelle, or the gazelle that needs something outside to motivate it to make it spring into action and run….but to a destination. Found my why long time ago, why, why is it that pushes me. Just saying, my brain is going rapidely and I´m just typing away to get away probably or not just love it that way. I´m just put it on in paper, paper-view! That´s cool. Every time I get a view or a hit I should get paid and then laid. Lately I masturbate too much and usually Frank Sinatra´s voice is playing in the background as I do my thing. It´s strange.
Wasssuuup God, don´t know if you´re up there or not. Sometimes I believe and others don´t. You´re like a woman to me, you´re damn confusing. Why do you let good people die and bad people live? Why not let all the bad people die, you created the earth so fuck it, it´s your job to make it better. People who really believe have told me that you had my path predetermined since before I was born. So I guess it´s your fault I dropped out of college, I went into the army
, I went to two fucked up countries and did your ultimate sin there
(yep that´s my crazy 24 year old version of me, still crazy though). Your fault I´m a drunk,
although I´ve been sober for quite some months now, but have pancreatitis so that´s your fault,
(yep that´s me when I got out of the hospital after two months stay and 18 of them days in the freaking ICU, that´s as close my body really has been into shock or almost die than even in war zones,tha´s fucked up) why is my uncle dying and I have to sit and watch it day by day by day gettting weaker and weaker, that´s your fault too. You made me a fuck up. Someone had to be, go pic my nexdoor neighbour he pisses me off. So I´m me, and only me, so others are not me which is cool with me. The real me. Hahah, try that one, prompt: write a hole paragraph with as many “me” as you can. Or don´t do it,screw it. I´ll tell on you. To God, my man!
CRAZY LIFE 
You sure do rage. I prefer you as you are now, raw, unvarnished, out of pretenses. Just be. Be sober. Be calm. Be you.
Can´t afford to get drunk. No way Mackay.
No point in getting drunk. It doesn’t win you anything real. Not healing, not peace, not love, not anything that lasts. Meditation is much better for you.
Don´t know about meditation, what I can tell you is that getting drunk the only thing that gives me it´s a headeache the next day. Not worth it. Can´t function then, and I need to function quite well.
Makes you wonder why people do it. I need my wits about me with three kids to raise. 🙂
If I can barely handle two dogs which drive me nuts to the point of contemplating either suicide or just dropping them from the second floor window…. I don´t know how you women do it
We are far to busy to contemplate murder or mayhem. LOL
One day I´m going to go in a rampage. Not a killing one, but one in which I through all their doodoo to everyone that passes near me.
I´m disgusting myself.
Okay, eww!
sorry
LOL You should be. No poo in the doo.
don’t give up… a lot of men that come back from war have some issues, at least you can know you’re not alone. Worried about you & praying for you. You should read my “let go” post today 🙂 … just let go of all the crap you’ve been through. Read some of the Bible. Start in Psalms…. and you know, Jesus was pretty amazing also.
Not that I have a lot of issues with my experience in the army,(not trying to sound tough, I´m pretty good at compartementalising things and moving on) in Spain we don´t even have psychologist to treat you nor we don´t have anything called PTSD. For us is the normality to go to those places, which we voluntered to go by the way, and come back to Spain and keep going on as a normal day. No parades, no thank´s, most of the population don´t even know we where there when I went in 2005. The government wouldn´t admit we where in that place, in a war zone. All the public new was that we where acting as peace keepers. And to tell the truth, in Spain it´s not like in the U.S where soldiers have a lot of support. Which they diserve.Not in our case, most of the public, to say 99% don´t give a rats ass, and we, us soldiers don´t give a rats ass that they don´t give a rat´s ass. We just do the job not expecting nothing. Just a job, a big adventure that you go with some great friends, to test you. You practice and practice combat drills all day long for months, shooting skills for months, so eventually we all wanted, or most of us wanted to put ourself´s to the real thing. Which we had it, we saw it, we did it, we lived it. I wrote a post called “a bullet with my name on it”under military category I think.
I won´t be able to read ya today,since I´m taking care of a family member. But going back tomorrow to my house to my nice computer, So I´ll read ya tomorrow. I´ll give it a try the bible, been a long time since I haven´t read any passage of it.