Dr. Charly is in the house!

Foto 273

About the shirtless thing, just woke up I do have a shirt on actually but if I had to take a picture it takes and eternity for this fucked up computer to get into photobooth so I just took one from the media part of the blog, plus it gives me more credibility as a doctor.

 

Sometimes I go by the name of Charles other times by Charlie and others by Charly. Either way, you might not believe it but I am a Psychiatrist hence the Dr. part before the name. Not a licensed one or the conventional one, but I have found out that I do give quite good compliments and have a deep understanding into human nature. So if your in dire strait please contact me.

If you feel suicidal…….take a deep breath, count to 9 and one quarter, take a step to the edge of where you are going to throw yourself and really look down at the people that are crossing underneath you. Would you really want to end up falling on top  of someone and making them also look like cream pie all plastered through the floor? You could be charged in a second degree murder, maybe not technically since you are already gone but you will be remembered as the suicide killer. You really want that? I doubt it. That would make you pause ad think twice. I know there are other methods of killing one self , but lets go slowly at least one of the methods is out of the table, the round table of options now you have one less.

Are you feeling lonely…….buy a dog. A study from the University of I don´t know in which part of the U.S but I´m sure it was in the U.S since who in the world would spend millions on studies such as studying the dogs brain and finally coming up with the official conclusion that dogs have feeling. Not kidding they actually did a study on that. Are you fucking kidding me? It took a bunch highly trained highly financed and equipped nerdy perdy dudes and dudess to reach that conclusion, Jeeesus only in the U.S, love the country though. But really, I´m not a pet psychologist but I do have two mean nasty farting machines dogs and I can tell when if I yell at one of them because they just peed on the balcony that their ears will go down so as the tail and specially the girl dog I have, like most other females that are humans( ladies! yeah woaw!) does keep more resentment towards me during a longer period of time than the male. The male couldn´t give a shit the bastard, he´ll be doing it again in a couple of hours so that one is a lost case. My mother goes away for holidays, the dogs are used to certain hours when she takes them outside, since they themselves won´t go outside by themselves and they are suppose to be attack dog, what the fuck are these two going to attack I ask myself, anyways at certain hours usually at 7 p.m they start walking up and down the house and looking at you sideways as in saying “come on dude!” so up you go, stop my writing or reading or maybe masturbating depending on the day and I walk them outside to see them, well just take more pisses more  shits, run a couple of meters, getting fruits that have fallen down from a tree and bringing it to me. Point being, feeling depressed buy a dog and your depression will turn to anger. No more feeling down just thoughts of murder.

Feeling agressive…..No problem, go out and buy yourself a male whore or a female whore. It has been proven that sex is the best antidote for agressive people. It has something to do with the neurons and receptors, I won´t go to deep into it since it´s kind of boring the technical thing.

Feeling that you are in a deep hole and you can´t get out of it…….that your world is falling on top of you kind of thing. No worries, take my example, I´ve been to two nasty pasty screwed up nasty rusty countries, been shot at, lost 3 guys, decided to become a cool drunk, and a cool homeless person, nightmares, bad memories, and at age 30 almost died of pancreatitis, and look! here I am. Alive doing the funky chicken dance at 8:30 in the morning, so always remember that out there  there is some one always a little more fucked up than you. And that they do climb the hole out, quite amazing what humans can do if they put their mind to it.

Last, and most important, take what I said very seriously, or not, then go to the mirror and have a nice laugh at yourself. Giggle like a little girl, don´t take what people say to heart nor what they do or not do. And all this advice free of charge.

Stay frosty gents and gentesses.

42 comments

  1. I completely & totally adored this post. While I think suicide is never a laughing matter, I did enjoy reading this. I laughed like a little girl (which I do quite often) & decided to take it easy on myself. So thank you for spreading some cheer to my part of the US, yes I’m in the US. 😛

    1. Suicide is not a laughing matter, I myself contemplated it for a time, but you for me I might as well laugh at things and at my misadventures. Makes life a little brighter.

      In the U.S of A! don´t make me drool, or get me a fake passport so I don´t have to travel to Mexico first and then swim the Rio Grande

  2. I almost consider to put that photo of yours beside my photo of Bruce…I haven’t made up my mind yet 🙂
    You look good.

    And you shall be very proud of yourself, it’s quite a journey you’ve done from the bottle and the streets, to the sober, strong and very good writer you are today.

    1. My photo has to replace Bruce, can´t be right next to it, one of the two got to go. Don´t know about good writer but I´m having fun with this, by the way I saw I had an email from you….I know I respond a little late but I finally saw it! was at the bottom of the inbox so I replied. So now you got email

    1. Actually, not kidding here, I had a family member who suffered from depression and what one day he told us is that part of their exercises was called “laughing therapy” they would all stand up and start faking laughter until at the end it all seemed to them so unreal so out of the top that they actually started laughing for real. So my guess is that laughter is good for lifting you up.

  3. Laughed almost all the way through, though my eyes did widen a bit at the suicide thing. I know you’re kidding, but unfortunately if someone is going through that they aren’t in the most rational state of mind. One of the reasons why I’m so sensitive to the subject is because my sister contemplated suicide at one point in her life. When I found out that she was cutting herself and not telling anyone I was so angry. I felt like I failed her because I didn’t notice, and there was nothing that I could do to take her pain away. Needless to say, she’s doing better now. After therapy and medication, she no longer feels the need to harm herself. She’s gotten so much better she doesn’t even need the pills anymore! So that’s pretty exciting.

    But anyways, back to your post!! Laughed at the rest of it, you write well and your posts are always entertaining.

    I especially liked the part at the end where you slipped in a real piece of advice after all of the jokes. I thought that was a nice twist, an unexpected moral of the story hidden in layers of hokey scientific studies. I think it’s pretty amazing that you’ve been able to go through all of that, and still manage to do the funky chicken dance 😛 Congrats.

    And lastly, the last thing you wrote really struck a chord with me. Sometimes I can be the silliest person, because I usually don’t care what people think. I sing and dance in public, and speak extremely loud on my cellphone. Because who cares? But I also put a lot of pressure on myself to do well and achieve, so I need to take myself less seriously in that regard.

    Hope you are having a good day!

    1. I knew the suicide thing would strike some bad chord, but hey, I had a time in my life where I contemplated quite seriously to take my life. And I guess it´s my dark sense of humour, which got me through some screwed up situations, plus my father has it too so actually is his fault that he passed it on to me. I have no responsibility for my actions whatsover. So yes, I know what is like to feel that bad that you contemplate taking your own life, yet again, I myself have to laugh at it. As I said in my about page I do have a dark sarcastic ironic sense of humour that can be insulting for some and funny to others…… Makes my life easier.

  4. Thank you so much for the advice because without them I would have obliviously not survived in this cruel cruel world….NOT ! First how does your shirtlessness ensures your credibility as a Doctor? It puts my Doctor degree to shame!

    And no wonder you got shot at it, I think there must be a grazing wound there somewhere too…considering you have pretty violent tendencies !

    1. Your very welcome for the advice, I´m sure your life will be much more brighter now. I´m always on a mission to save humanity, I´m sort off like a Saint.

      Getting shot at was part of the job, no worries there, worry for number 2 and 3 man not you. And maybe if I had gone shirtless that would have created in them such confusion that they´d probably run the opposite way…who knows. Might as well try it again.

  5. Yea, reading this Charley made me think of coming back from Viet Nam in ’71. A sort of time-bomb waiting to go off… one of those lost causes even to the lost. Took me a long while to come back out of all that. So I’m with brother… tough to haul one’s ass back out of hell. But we eventually get there…

    1. We better get out of the hole, and actually it´s quite nice to be out and about and appreciating the small things. Really appreciating them, which I know for a fact that people who never experience war, really see and feel those emotions never will get it. And is fine, they shouldn´t. Vietnam was pretty screwed up, specially the way they treated you guys, at least here in Spain they just don´t even acknowledge you so they don´t insult you, but I don´t know what I would have done in your era, probably be quite a bitter and angry person knowing myself.Me and my generation at least I have nobody to blame but myself since it is a volunteer army and you do go there because at that age we all wanted to test ourselves plus the money was 3000 euros a month over 3.300$ it´s my math. Glad you where able to get out of the hell hole.

  6. I nominate you for a Very Inspiring blog award. If you have no time for this, it is OK, no worries. I just want the other bloggers to know about your wonderful blog. Thank you for your great work! 🙂

      1. Don´t do that to them, I´m gonna put a bunch of people either laughing their way to the grave, at me by the way, or put them on their way to the shrink office.

        Thank you 🙂

  7. I just adore your cynical humor, too bad am still at work stealing time procrastinating out of boredom until I found your post and it’s hysterical yet very accurate and I really wanna laugh so hard but I have to behave and hold even my smiles but eventually one of my coworkers will wonder why I am shedding tears and clenching my jaw 😀

  8. You’re an inspiration Charly priest. been there and tried suicide twice. Not the girly way out either. I let go of the mountain i was free hand climbing and fell over 200 feet to the rocks below and the second time put a kitchen knife into my chest. Doctors didn’t find humor in it though. Long story but I have learned I suck are murder being a failure to murder myself twice. Good news there won’t be a third.

    1. Well I´m sure there will not be any more attempts. Plus I just did a quick read of this post and at the end I do say something to the effect of “look at yourself in the mirror and giggle like a little girl and don´t take what people say or not say to heart”. Basically what I´m saying is to be or try to be self assured and just take life with a smile, or try to most of the time.
      Plus if you attempt to do it, now you will force me to go out there and spank you. So that you do not want.

      P.S. Sorry I can´t read your blog as of right now, but it´s a bunch of people I have to respond to, or would like too plus this is my last day with a computer and I have no clue when I´ll be able to get back to the internet. Hopefully soon.
      Appreciate you reading and remember, try it a third time and Charly the Priest will spank you.

      Stay Frosty beautiful.

      P.S. meaning of Stay Frosty= stay calm, cool, collected, concentrate on what your goal is like a laser beam and then put all the training that you got into reaching that goal.

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