Inspiring people


Prompt by https://being1nsane.wordpress.com/2016/01/01/quickly-steal-the-spotlight-in-the-ttt-challenge-this-jan/

So the prompt basically is “forcing” me to talk about myself and inspire people
that feel that their basically in a dark hole that they can´t get out of.
Go figure and me taking up this challenge.

I don´t even know where to start, since throughout my twenties you could say it was wild,
to put it mildly. I´ll jump the army and war stuff to get to lets say the second face of my life,
and maybe the last one.

After I got out of the army I retreated from everybody I knew, became a drunk,
lived on the streets,petty crimes,I didn´t know how I was still alive and at that moment
I could care less about dying. So pretty much I ran around with the best that each
household has to offer, I took every drug legal and illegal there is, sold them also,
quite a mess really. But I did manage to hold on to jobs, shitty jobs
but still was some income which I blew in one day.It was a day to day living,
never mind about tomorrow. Almost like having a death wish really. For me life was nothing.
Didn´t appreciate a sunset or sunrise,family? couldn´t care less. Just an a-hole and very angry one.
Arrested or detained for fighting… how many times I forgot. I didn´t care,
for me my life was worthless and I was worthless. Didn´t have anything to offer to society
let alone the people that cared for me.

At age 30, another near miss and I end up in the hospital yet again in a state of shock
which is before you go into a comma. Severe pancreatitis the diagnosis. Reunited with my
family again. Although I didn´t really know if I wold make it out alive.
I asked point black at a nurse if I would make it out and she did tell me I had a 50-50 chance.
So as quickly as I coul dwhen I got back to my room,(I was downstairs for some scan of
my body when I asked the nurse) I wrote my will, again, since when deployed you do have to sign
a will in case you don´t make it back, obviously. I wrote to the people that I loved, and I still
have those letters somewhere stuck in a box.

Then the realization, I found my why. My why to fight for and not keep being a screw up.
Family was the answer for me. For the first time in years I finally saw the effects of
my actions on others. I will add that at that same time faith did play a major role in my life
and still does, although you might not believe it reading my crazy stories and what I comment to people.
So those two factors is what made me focus and fight for living a better life. And as I did so,
in came my writing. I started writing about my experiences in the hospital, like a journal
except with my crazy head I made reality a bit more exciting in the hospital.
And I actually was laughing at the nutty things that I wrote while I wrote them, that´s kind of weird.
But it was a therapy for me. So no “so sorry for myself” and all that stuff,
no sentimentality or nothing. I just knew I had to change life drastically.
And slowly but surely writing provided me with a goal, something to stay focused on and
not divert from the middle lane. And faith.
So once you have that goal set in your mind, you know your why, why am I doing this?
For the people that care for me and also very important for me, to show those other people
who thought I would be dead by this age, including myself, that it wasn´t going to happen.
Plus a lot of those people would be delighted in seeing me in the morgue. So I fooled them.

I found my why?The thing that drives me, family, faith, and writing. And once you
have that singular focus, everything else becomes secondary.You don´t even think about what
people think or say about you or what you can achieve or what you can´t. Fuck them.
I know my why and I got HIM, wich seems to want me around for a while more.
As to that why? Have no clue but as to my rational why? I have that clear in my mind,
and that will push you, will drive you,plus helps having a sense of humour and laughing at oneself.

Having said this, I still got to work on myself

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55 comments

    1. Thanks for reading, it was too long of a piece so appreciate you taking the time. It´s pretty much all in the open, did write about some of these things a long time ago. Writing is a great motivator indeed.

    2. I agree with Puppy Doc. We are thankful you made it out….lived to tell us about it. Sometimes we can’t see the light until our lights are nearly out…and all that surrounds us is fear, remorse and darkness. Then. .suddenly a tiny ray of light becomes visible that was always there inside of us but we could not see it through the storm.
      Much love,
      Annie💕💃

  1. Sometimes it takes a very major wake-up call in life to get clarity around what is really important. It sounds like you got yours. More importantly, you listened and understood it.
    Kudos on the new direction.

  2. Oh my god dude! Your quite the fighter huh. Honestly …how much ever I ve known you…I ve loved the fact that you can laugh…at yourself, at your life, at the situation. I legit laughed so many times through that write up! Guess we don’t realize the power of family huh. Thank you so much for writing it! Speacially for my prompt ! Really appreciate it!

      1. I have a hard time with heartfelt comments and sentiments, now if you are crying I can hold you in my arms and rock you back and forth….but don´t get any tears on my new polo shirt ! Costs a lot so I´ll probably end up dropping you on the floor.

      2. Hahahahaahaha I’ll can blow my nose on your shirt right? xD And if you drop me I’ll prob kill you in your sleep! So make sensible choices

    1. Thanks Wally, just rethinking about it myself, it makes me apprciate a whole whole lot more the “small” things you have in life, that those small things quite a lot of people take for granted, and really are the small things that turn out to be actually big things that makes you happy and appreciative of your life.

      1. That’s the truth Charly, for sure. I used to have big dreams, now I just love my little things. Wanted a mansion, got a double wide. Wanted a limo, got a GMC. It’s all good.

  3. You were in a pretty deep hole and bounced back. That is what the inspiration thing is about. Somebody who has led a pretty good life with few rocks in the road might set an example, but doesn’t really inspire. If someone is down they need an example of someone else who was also down but picked themselves back up. So nice story, and you did hit the mark.

      1. O yes, now I remember that short story I wrote. Where the main charachter finds the worpress thing that brings him out of depression and is actually his friend the bartender who is playing him to get him out of the bad life. So this came quite as a surprise that you would have read that. Actually quite glad, I thought it was only me, Kruti and my mother who read that thing.

  4. What I love about the writing you share Charly, is that you’ve been through some serious shit but you are still positive, you share it in a way to inspire folks to get out of their own shit – not wallow in it and never shut up the way that some do. You believe in getting on with the business of living and I relate to that fully.
    As to Richard’s comment about ballet – **snickers** – best leave that to the gal with the pointe shoes and tutu or… tutu by fourfour as it is these days!

    1. pointed shoes and tutu..you said? 🙂 That was me a second ago. Ofcourse you gotta stay positive, and wherever you are, you always have a choice as to how to confront your problems. It´s just making and following through with the choice that you make, course correct obviously. But you have to act and keep moving forward and rarely look back.

      1. Hey, do you like that Mick Jagger/Peter Tosh song Walk and Don’t Look Back? It’s really cool. Love the lyrics… “If you just put your hand in mine, We’re gonna leave all our troubles behind, You got to walk and don’t look back…” Thanks for your inspiration, Charly (and for letting me use your quote). You’re appreciated, and your words help. Thanks, I needed this!

  5. Wish you all the very best, Charlie. You can be an inspiration to many. Stay positive and focused, and take good care of yourself – you have much to give, and that is where true happiness is found. 🙂

    1. Thank you Kelly, I hope I do have something to give with this writing thing. If not, at least I have a ball doing it, cause laughing outloud at ones own crazy writing is not very normal I would say.

  6. You are one of the most inspiring people I know, Charly. It is almost two years since I read your blog, and I see a man behind it – a man who doesn’t waste his time. I wish more people would read this story. Hugs, friend xx

  7. Thanks for sharing this. Before we find our drive, we do wonder along many paths that are not good for us. I did a lot of that too. Glad you found your drive in the end. And I look forward to enjoying your writing.

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