I´m scared shitless

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Tomorrow is the big day. Going to see a shrink because….
don´t you know I´m crazy ese? Don´t you know I´m “loco”?
I haven´t taken alcohol or other things in a couple of weeks
but,it´s a constant struggle. Why even bother to lie, I did fuck up
quite good at the beginning of the month when I received the paycheck from
the State, went on a spending spree of not good things.
Right now I´m in minus 285$ in the bank and
I´m not sure how I will be able to pay next months rent and all
because of the addiction. Funny thing that here in Spain since it´s
all public, we have universal health care, well it takes months for
you to get an appointment. So you ask months in advance and I guess this is my present for Christmas
seeing the psychiatrist, and see how he can help me with the addiction,
send me to an out patient program also a public one and all those kind
of things. And that scares me shitless. Plus I don´t know exactly if
I´ll be able to get the money back, but if I get my shit together with the addiction
thing, surely I won´t spend all that money.
The mental health specialist scares me shitless, period. A great life change for sure
if I want to stay sober and that scares me like a little girl.

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.

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20 comments

  1. You are brave to share this. It seems scary only because it’s new for you. It will be a good thing and a big relief for you. Posting this online is much harder than going to talk to a person. Besides you just told me and I am a psychotherapist and all I am left with is admiration for you. Being imperfect is what makes us human, and, interesting. Go and get better and may the force be with you!

  2. Hang on to the brave self that wrote your gutsy blog. And stay open minded. I look forward to hearing what you have to say once you’ve experienced the wonder of talking with another recovering drunk. That’s where the magic really happens.

  3. I have been sober for 4 years. Life is exponentially better. I too also went to see a therapist, which was instrumental. Thank you for sharing this. You are not alone, even if it feels like you are. The first couple of years…holidays…were the hardest. Everyone, and I mean…everyone drinks. But…I didn’t. It became sort of a game. Watching people morph before my eyes…into their drunken selves. You can do it! If you want.

  4. How great you’re going! And it’s not just about you getting your proverbial shit together at all. There’s reasons for your addiction and a lot of them have nothing to do with you gathering shit in one place. I wish you the very best.

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