I´m not alone

Can you believe that I can relate to some random guy in a YouTube documentary?
It seems that I do. Some people tell me to not to watch those documentaries,
but I do. Why? I have no rational explanation I can give you.

The documentary is about the 100 and first airborne division in Afganishit,
sorry, I meant to say Afghanistan.

This guy says,¨there is no job I haven´t done but I just get bored,
so I joined the army.”
Wich eventually got me thinking that what is wrong with me, did I need that
to feel like a man, or to just feel the adrenaline rush, or to kill, or…
there are a bunch of or… I´m just curious to myself.

If I really dig down in my soul
as to why I did two deployments. One deployment you are new, you want to prove yourself
and proof to the other guys around you that you have the balls to do the job, but why the second when it actually was voluntarily, they did ask pretty much the whole battalion who wanted to go, so why I choose to go? I have no idea.

I do remember those days as the best time in my life, because of the guys around me.
Obviously the tragic moments I´m not fond off.

Point being is what a fucked up head that I have to feel myself good in a environment
that is deadly. Still can´t figure it out after 9 years out of the SPANISH army.

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.


  1. Like your thoughts on this subject. Since in America Veterans Day is officially Sunday, I’m rallying people to remember us vets. No response which brings me to your ideas: why did we go in the first(or second)reason? Clearly nobody cares about us, no one’s saying thank you for your service and all that crap. I’m just grateful for the benefits I get for me and my family. For whatever it’s worth, Charlie, thanks for your service in the Spanish Army. Those are the glory years.

    1. ¨I´m just grateful for the benefits I get for me and my family¨. I love that phrase, reminds me when I was living in the US, only the Americans will say this and is actually true. Not here in Spain. I think that most spaniards don´t even know they have the military, the few ones who do don´t care, and if they care they think we are back to our nice and cool Francisco Franco our dictator up until 1975, so it is a very different way how they treat soldiers there than here.

  2. At least we’re getting something, right? After banging up our bodies, suffering from pains, illnesses and never being right (in the head), the benefits are a cold comfort.

    1. I can also say, to cherish the small things.
      You do have a house right? Or living in one, actually that is a big thing, but you do have running wáter in your faucet right? You do have a bathroom? You do have toilet paper?

  3. Many men have written that the bond among warriors is a powerful one, that they defended their brothers in arms more than fighting for any single cause or ideal. Human beings are complex, Charly. We engage in activities — all activities, those that might be called positive and those that have both positive and negative aspects — for multiple reasons. War is as old as mankind. You didn’t invent it. You can’t beat yourself up for having taken part in it.

    1. ¨human beings are comple¨. You got to remember who I am.

      You are right, humans beings have been at war since, we came human.

      ¨That they defended their brothers in arms mor that fighting for any sinle cause or ideal¨ . You a right in 80% , when things go wrong to say the least, yet again you did volunteer to do that job,and when things go away alll you got is the others around you. But, I prayed untill I think HE was bored, so you got that other factor. You also got the third factor, wich was when you went to a ¨confort¨ zone with most of your guys, and pay tribute to our Spanish flag while doing the chanting. That motivates you.

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