the words of the grand priest

Here I am smoking my cigarettes, living in a house with criminalists.
And here we go to embarass myself:
One- I´ll read you but not today… or maybe, so you should feel thankfull.
Two- I was supposed to see my mother in the hospital today,but I´m drunk and high
so is not a good idea, and she is pissed off, I am ashamed, alcoholism is
degrading for me and most important for the people surrounding me.
Three- We all know life is not fair, just get over it.
Four- I have no clue how my mental state works. I go from 0 to 100,
there is no in-between. I will save your life literatlly, it´s just in me.
But, the great but…. I should haved gone to see my mother to the hospital,
I did spend 7 days with her, no sleep, fighting with the nurses normal things..
but I get to this house
and I just slack, I see YouTube videos, write a lot, read a lot, and my guess
is that I try to avoid the reality of my mothers situation.
Five- I said I avoid the reality, yet I do keep some sanity, and when I really
have to be the caretaker in this case, I just do it, talked with dad since when
I told mom that I wasn´t going today she got pissed off which is more than normal,
but the father(the one who came to my great military parade after I finished basic trainig)
the man actually understood me, I was the one taking care of her, he has to live
his life and make the money for them, and surprisingly he actually said that he would
talk to her, basically putting his ass on the line for me for her to be more comfortable.
Six- Charly….stop with the drinking and get your ass moving, did it,
so why not now? Get the fuck up you Charly idiot.
Got to get out of this diary thing. Just pissed off at me really.

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.


  1. You know, Charly, we’re all human. We make mistakes. We fall downs sometimes. The key is getting up again. It doesn’t really help much when we beat ourselves up. Blessings, A.

    1. Appreciate the comment as always. I got back up today(no drinking obviously) and just waiting for the ride to take me to the hospital. Back from 0 to pass to 100 miles per hour.

  2. Charley – I used to have conversations a bit like this with my journal. As I sit here sipping tea in my very peaceful state your post just sucked me back to that place so
    1. You can’t control the alcohol – it controls you – it is a Venus flytrap as soon as you step into the evil plant – you’re gone
    2. You’re not a failure – you are human and you don’t fail – you live you learn and you grow
    3 sometimes growing looks a little circular for awhile
    4. Dealing with a loved one who is ill (I don’t know how I’ll your Mum is) can be harrowing sometimes you just need to step back
    5. I could go on forever – give yourself a break
    6. And eat some fruit and vegetables and drink some water go for a walk clear your head and don’t listen to yourself for awhile and just enjoy the sunshine or rain or whatever nature is handing you
    7. There are human angels everywhere but you have got to lift your head to see them
    8. Take care mate

    1. It was a one day fallout, thankfully today I got back up, went to the hospital to see mother and now my work is as caretaker. No drinking when I have to do what I have to do. But it was hard to get back to the house after spending 7 days straight in the hospital, the stress, and not drink, came back to that room in the house just triggered something.
      Appreciate very much the comment.

      1. I’m happy you are okay. Keep going one foot in front of the other. And I hope your Mum will be okay too. She would have been so happy to see you. Sounds like a tough situation. Keep your chin up. 😊

      2. Got to keep the chin up, I’m one of the few people that make her laugh with my crazy things. I do “church” them up a lot. And now that I have a poetry book in Amazon, I found about it today by the way, I myself didn’t even know, it´s in the last post I wrote today, you’ll find it funny to read how I found out and the disaster I am. Point being that after I told and showed my mother it lifted her spirits up.

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