Just woke up at 4 a.m in the hospital watching my mother dying,
no crying, but….
I have no idea why but I wanted my Nestea with lemon.
The hospital vending machine
you can pay a 2 dollar thing with a credit card
but the freaking Nestea is 1.90 cents and the machine won´t take
of a 2 euros coin.
So, no coin now I´m in pain with no gain,
up the elevator again…check in the room and see one euro with 80 cents
plus the freaking 2 euros coin that I´m asking every sould I see if
they have change, people looking at me weird… NO! I just shave my beard
and I want that Nestea near
might as well add a beer
by the way,
after what seemed like a day…. Winner! I got a person to give
me coins as change for exchange of the 2 Euros coin, finally…NESTEA!
feeeeeeeling gooood, and what is the process in my head?
Waking up in a freaking hospital, kiss mommy that is in comma, next thing in
my head is the Nestea, go figure this one out, I can´t, but I eventually
got through all that ordeal, that is what I consider an ordeal,
not death and life situations,
those are my normality situations
but no Nestea? I got nutty.
Love to you and to your beautiful mother Charly. I am thinking, and praying, for both of you. Stay safe my friend.
Appreciate it Cindy, you too stay safe. All my best wishes and prayers for you.
Watching your mother slip away, you need something to remain the same.
As you know I´m just a weirdo, although I can tell you this, mentally I have been preparing for this day for months if not years, kind like in the army, kind….. but once the s…t hits the fan, I detached myself, I do see day in day out, minute after minute what it is basically a corpse and my mind just is detached. I will call the nurses when I hear her breath slowing down or going too fast and all that, but I just keep my cool. Not that I´m cool, just how my mind works. So going back to the military, no wonder they made me in the moment in that screwed up country a “cabo de primera” which I guess in english is … forgot about that one and not going to research.
Apreciate your comment, for my mother that is, I am very conscious as to how the situation will end, although after 8 days in the hospital I myself is starting thinking when the hell is she going to expire, expire is inevitable the thing is me here in the room day after day waking me up if I hear a strange noise coming from her, then keep track of the medicines they are putting on her, keep trak that the medicines are put at the right time at the right hour and the rest, does take a bit of a toll on me, but we are good to go as the americans will say, good to go! It is a tragedy but my focus now is also on my father, he is a tough motherfucker (sorry for that word but he is) except the day before yesterday I think it was we were both talking with the head medic, he explained the situation and how the progress to her death can be and my father literally broke down, first time I saw him like that. Weird since me and dad never have been “cushy cushy” saying that we don´t express our feeling outwardly, with my mother it was me calling her or her calling me and just making her laugh at my idiotic things in life, not the same with dad obviously, so new life and different dinamic
and this was too much of a long comment, although at this point I guess is normal for a person in my situation to talk and talk, specially twoards a person that you respect.
I’m glad you felt comfortable enough with me to give me that comment. I appreciate your friendship, Priest. I wish I could make this all easier for you, but that’s impossible. Believe me, at some point you are going to be ready to scream if you hear the words, “I’m sorry”, from one more person.