My life (very short version)

I´m 37, lost my mother on the 14th of last month. The woman that literally raised
me by her own since father was always working and providing for us.
I don´t recall a so called “father figure”. Now he lost his wife of 50 years,
who he calls? Me. More glad than ever and I strangely find myself in a position
when I feel like I was 25 in the army in Afghanistan in charge of 4 guys.
My father is obviously not a cushy man, I have always thought he was superman in my eyes,
now I see his vulnerabilities and I hate that for him, like in the army days with
4 guys in charge I was at age 25, so I keep the conversation light, to the point,
keep his mind off our tragedy and move on. I actually told him to move on, apart from other things.
And I am talking both about the person (my mother) that raised me and I could always call her
laugh at my crazy things. Now the roles seem to be reversed, and I will reiterate again that
my father is a tough motherfucker. He called me that by the way. But he is human it seems,
seems now to me. I only say that if I have something good going for me, is to put the tragedy
of my mothers death behind of my head in some black box, (like army experience) and the way
I talk to my father, the tone, the things I say, are reassuring for him.
Kind of weird thinking he was superman and never had a real conversation with him.
As I told him, we have to adapt.
If he called me this afternoon I inmediately knew he as a human has to talk to someone
about other things that is not work.

12 comments

    1. I don´t have a “father issue”, I know the man loves me at his own way, you can´t ask him for more. It is obviously a different type of relationship than when my mother was alife, I could call her any time of the day, she would pick up, listen and laugh at my crazy dummy story and give me advice (even at this age I have), but more important is that she laughed at me as always but laughed, I do miss that. My father….. he is a very good man, he loves me just like I am by the way with him, although I do have some genes of my mother so it is a mixture of both of them personalities hence I can make him laugh (which is rare, my mother made him laugh) and take out his pressures. I´m just saying this since all the comments I received in this post, and I do appreciate each and every comment, but they seem to look like my father is a not a good person, I did state several times that he loves me, each to his own how they can express it. I talk with him on a daily basis to check on him, I make him laugh, that is good enough.
      Appreciate you taking the time to read and comment.

  1. I lost both parents quite some years ago. It’s so damn hard to be motherless. I think the feeling is beyond what I can express. Thanks for sharing, Charly. It struck a chord.

    1. Sorry for your loss and appreciate the comment very much. We got to be strong, can´t go crawling to bed. That includes everything in life.
      Again thank you for your comment.

  2. I had a AWOl father. Later in life, we became good friends. I believe, we all learn. Life isn’t isn’t easy and all we can do, is our best. I hope you are doing well my friend.

    1. I know each person has their story, the bad, good , ugly, I just have this platform to express my thoughts since I don´t express it verbally.
      Again thank you for your time for stopping by and commenting, very much appreciate it.

  3. It is nice you are warming up to your dad and both of you are bonding in a way. Losing a mother is tough and I know, one day I too, will lose my mum to aging. Stay strong Charly and know that your mother is looking from above over you and is pain free. An angel now, she feels no pain and is free. Bless you and your dad. Garfield hugs.

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