my thoughts

what do you want to be remember for?

The answer to that question is being a good son, good person.

Those who have read about my little crazy life maybe know a bit,
been in the Spanish Legion wich I´m sure now that it was something
that my mother hated or was afraid probably more than me when I was deployed,
after that part I became a drunk, homeless, ended in prison, numerous times
to the hospital wich if I didn´t die in the army I was also quite close
to die in the civilian world because of the drinking.

Now It is my time to take care of this person, my mother.
She has cancer and I felt strange when I saw her after the doctors
removed the cancer and now that she is at home I´m her rock,
my father of course is there, but he does have to work aaaaalot to
pay for the bills. Great man, what he has done to provide for the best doctors
and him also helping at home is quite a different father that I knew. So is quite strange for me, and I´m 35….
but to see my mother so weak and me taking care of her, well,
that is what we are going to do.

So in my life as a fuck up, when I die, that is what to be remembered for,
a caring son. No drinking no nothing, I go to her and apart from taking care
of her home wich if I don´t cut the grass or trim this little trees, well,
she loves her garden, and her house clean, so there I am,
when I go to do some chores she will say ¨Carlos, stay here with me¨,
I never heard that, and me, as I am, always with dummy stories wich she laughs,
but I have to ¨church them up¨(ya knoooow! just twist all the real bad things into something funny)
and that makes my heart a bit more full. She is a woman that she can´t stay still,
she always was in the garden or just moving somethings around the house, now she
has to rest in bed or in the sofa, and there I am with her from Monday to Friday,
now that I noticed it sounds like I´m writing like I´m this great person…… No,
but mom is mom, she´ll pull out of it.

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.

P.S. Live day to day like it was your last day.

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The dead boyfriend

A bit of background to this, in the Legion we have what we call ” El Novio de la muerte”,
which basically I should have translated to english in the title.
WHat for Americans is Easter Holiday, we have this, and people love it, specially in the south of Spain,
specially love it when th Spanish legionaries do their shit, I never was one of them, since a few are
selected for this, plus another truth they get an extra $$$$$$, my mother hated when I joined the Legion,
but she loves watching these kind of stuff, not the ‘real” thing but this. So here you go momma,
and sista,a brotha, and…. I think I smoked a joit…..Nope. So here you go,
It’s a Spanish tradition.

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.

one man army

j

I’m or was… Rambo, people tell me that I don’t look like me in that picure,
fuck you all, no wonder now I’m 35, I was just a 19 year old in that pic,
handome, I had hair back then, and was build like a brick wall, now I’m
brick wall falling.

So here is my point, I have a strange mental condition, when everything
seems to be fine I fuck up, I actually get mad when I cook and something falls
or is not the right recipe, or stupid shit like that, I go nuts.

The psychologist told me to stop or remembering my time in the army and deployed,
wich fuck her, I want to remember that guy that is now in the sky.
All those three were under my command (won’t say much about how we worked
since it can last like a theses.)

I told the sergeant not to go to the same route that we went in, he, said…..yallow yallow
fucking idiot. So I told these men what the sergeant told me to do, nobody was happy obviously,
and you notice as the air sucked out of your longs, the ringing of the ears, so there I am semi conscious,
trying to work what the fuck I have to do, so got 3 of them out of the VAMTAC wich is basically
the Spanish version of the US army HUmvee, except we had no armored.

And then the firefight started, so I got three guys out in the middle, couldn’t help the other one,
so those three guys fucked up I had to make a radio call for others to assist me. They did.

So here are two things, one that in the civilian life you call them “friends”, really?
have you ever been in fucked up situation and see the so call “friend” stand still or run
off away? I didn’t even like these 4 guys under my command, but hence comes something
different wich is true, “brotherhood”, it’ s our job to accomplish whatever mission that they
tell us and in order to do so you have, you have to depend on the guys around you

Fuck it

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses

Make your bed

Really? So easy.I got a crazy theory….

If you make every morning your bed, it’s just a small task right?
But making your bed it reinforces that the little things matter in life,
reinforces that you wake up and have that small task to do, and from there
you can reach the sky. So…. make the bed.

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.

I just got away from killing

Trust me or better not, I can get in the doubtful knot
and come out…. like a nice looking slut.
So today was the day that again the police came to my room,
broom broooooooooom! Yep, talk about men hitting girls,
why the fuck you don’t talk once in a while about girls, in my case,
having two guys in front of my door ready to kick the shit out of me.
Because of her, she told them that. So fuck all that shit.

Not the first time, but the first time I did came out with a knife,
so the police told me that was not nice and the next time to call
them first I did something before their behest.

So today I did call them when I saw they were there,
the bitch thought I would be scared?
Eventually the real problem is that I live with 3 more people,
and here was the trick, the girl who I pay the rent wanted to
get me the fuck out of there,quite normal really, but I just
started saying how much I understood her and then went into
a rambling about my experience in the USA, she surely didn’t
know about that, so kept her mind out of the other thing, so I’m good.
I think, who knows.

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.