what do you want to be remember for?

The answer to that question is being a good son, good person.

Those who have read about my little crazy life maybe know a bit,
been in the Spanish Legion wich I´m sure now that it was something
that my mother hated or was afraid probably more than me when I was deployed,
after that part I became a drunk, homeless, ended in prison, numerous times
to the hospital wich if I didn´t die in the army I was also quite close
to die in the civilian world because of the drinking.

Now It is my time to take care of this person, my mother.
She has cancer and I felt strange when I saw her after the doctors
removed the cancer and now that she is at home I´m her rock,
my father of course is there, but he does have to work aaaaalot to
pay for the bills. Great man, what he has done to provide for the best doctors
and him also helping at home is quite a different father that I knew. So is quite strange for me, and I´m 35….
but to see my mother so weak and me taking care of her, well,
that is what we are going to do.

So in my life as a fuck up, when I die, that is what to be remembered for,
a caring son. No drinking no nothing, I go to her and apart from taking care
of her home wich if I don´t cut the grass or trim this little trees, well,
she loves her garden, and her house clean, so there I am,
when I go to do some chores she will say ¨Carlos, stay here with me¨,
I never heard that, and me, as I am, always with dummy stories wich she laughs,
but I have to ¨church them up¨(ya knoooow! just twist all the real bad things into something funny)
and that makes my heart a bit more full. She is a woman that she can´t stay still,
she always was in the garden or just moving somethings around the house, now she
has to rest in bed or in the sofa, and there I am with her from Monday to Friday,
now that I noticed it sounds like I´m writing like I´m this great person…… No,
but mom is mom, she´ll pull out of it.

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.

P.S. Live day to day like it was your last day.

Cut the crap or I will snap

but inspired
I to get kind of tired
just push the right button
you got me angrier
no bullshit, you did  unleash the bull terrier
I am a writer
tell that to my idiot the “Snider”
you don´t like what is my JOB
so fuck you
then writing
no contest
love this test
people will say this is not work
so don´t push me
or you will get hurt
I know I´m not sounding like ham
I am I just a normal man
with the good and bad
but never tell me
to me
that writing is not a job
fuck you the snob
going on one ore two rafter
I already did it
which is
I guess you can get it
I did it
so police
are a pain like my niece… ya though 😉
now another one
for a broken nose
spilling blood like a hose
telling me this is not work
or reading and taking notes
no wonder you eventually got that nose
see ya

Now, Stay Frosty gents and gentesses,

And tomorrow I believe  I can read you,hell why did I start a blog, forget  about the my blog, I do, believe it or not ,and if not fuck that snot, just to learn from you people, so go and go I was gonna say the peep hole, just get into internet. I am good at writting and if not…….well I do love the processing,

Stay Frosty

Quote I don´t like at all

Some people are so poor all they have is money

This is a quote from a blogger that if he or she see´s this will maybe get pissed off, he or she is a great person and hangs up quite some wonderful quotes, really. But this one….damn, I was thinking to myself “man, only people who have money will say this” I´m sure there a bunch of hippies out there that are barely getting through and will say “peace, love, harmony and lets go hug a tree and eat strawberries” but for me, fuck that. As of right now, I´m down to eating one meal a day, thank God that I am at my parents house and I will not ask for money I´m a grown man, but I did make a visit just for the food to tell the truth. And see my dog also. She´s freaking deaf now by the way, and she can´t stop talking. Really she talks, every time I come in to the room she´s at she´ll go “woo, woooooo, wo wo” and me ” say whaaaat?!!” and she again “wo wo wooooooo” So it is quite an interesting conversation we have. I think we´re bonding more now.

Anyways, back to the quote. I have been homeless,that´s not fun. Now I have some money but I can´t work on the shitty jobs I used to work as a painter, or in construction, or for that matter a bartender since I have the broken ankle and I´m still limping plus my back hurts like hell. So limp man over here is getting the money from where? Yep, the State. The same state that is going to charge me with attempted robbery next year. I should add it was an attempt to get into a liquor store 6 freaking years ago when I was homeless. So that´s quite the paradox.

Now that I live in another town, a better town than where my parents live, but I do have to pay rent, pay food, transportation, my cigarettes, no booze since I´m going to A.A at least doing it good for now but as they say one day at a time, anyways live like normal people do and manage the money as normal people do. And just paying the rent 3/4 of my monthly allowance is gone, so I´m down to eating one meal a day. I think that for the past week my face has turned like a giraffe, loooong, and you know why? Because of all the freaking spaghetti I´m eating, that and rice. It cheap and you can make great amounts of it and last´s longer. The freaking laptop I bought which I spend half of my savings on that thing is now fucked up since the hard drive is broken and I still don´t know if the “guarantee” ( that should last for a year) but I don´t know if it covers a broken hard drive I´ll see tomorrow when i go to see the repair guy,and if he tell me I have to pay, well out the window goes the new laptop, since I don´t have the money for that. So that was a great investment that lasted not even two months. So now back to walking over a mile to get to the public library, I should say limping, just to get to a computer. I could go on a bus, but don´t want to spend more money on transportation.

So the quote implies that money doesn´t buy you happiness. Well fuck you, (not anybody in specific just cursing my way through the post) maybe you won´t be the happiest of people, but I guarantee you that life is much better, and what the hell if I had money I would not have so many headaches and believe me I´d have a permanent smile, just like the Joker.

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.

Early morning feeling

Tick Tock,alarm clock hits six a.m
He wakes up feeling like a human scam
Life can be a traffic jam

Tick Tock,minutes go by,
then an hour,
then he thinks of his grueling day ahead….

Tick Tock…he has to wake up
if he stays in, is going to be a close-up

Tick Tock!
Time to get over the shock
It´s not a damn hard lock
That humans can not unlock

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.


Who said suicide was easy?

Foto 130 I´m going incognito here, but man. This suicide thing is hard. I don´t know how people do it really.

This morning I decided to hang myself. But then I started looking for what I have seen in the movies you know, a simple piece of rope. I didn´t have a fucking rope in the house! So then I figured ties, and can you believe this, I don´t own ties. I think I haven´t worn a tie in years, not that I think is that I just haven´t. Doesnt´say much about me to tell the truth, fuck am I talking about killing myself…go figure. Anyways, next option I figured was to get pieces of shoelaces tie them up one to each other to create a rope. Bu the problem after that was that it was either too short to reach the fan or too long and I actually touched the floor. Then the freaking fan broke and I had my mother chasing me around the house with a broom. Hell that was scary. So I completely failed with this hanging thing and decided to take a rest since I spent the better half of the morning with the hanging ordeal until my mother chase me away with her not so magic broom but when I was going to the sofa…… IMG_1502 The bastard had taken it already. At least he is a patriotic dog though. He´s from Spain but as you can see he has change allegiances to the U.S. Even though I try to put him this t-shirt my old cool army oneFoto 191 on the bottom it says Spanish and on top Army. Then the eagle….that one just gives me the willies.

Back to the subject at hand. I figured I should jump out the window and get it over with. Hell, I´m afraid of hights. I couldn´t get my head too far off from the window. But I was persistent and I persisted and finally……………………………..IMG_1391bam! That´s exactly where  I ended up. On top of a pile of wood. Which did the cushy thing, look at the aftermathIMG_1400, yeah that´s the freaking aftermath. My mother again, she comes running down yelling like crazy saying I just screwed up her nice piece of rubble of wood and put me to do slave labour. (ladies don´t get to excited about that sexy body) I told her “mom I was just trying to kill myself so I jumped” She looked at me as if I was nuts, and told me she didn´t care that as long as I was under her roof no matter that I´m 32 (that´s a long story how I ended back at this age with them, but I do tend to disappear for a while one in a while…..that´s also some stories) anyways point being is that I ended like thisFoto 274 after the fall, and she could care less, that´s even sadder. I felt insulted really. Does this woman really love her son? At least she could shoot me. That´s what I told her, and she simply replied that then she would be the one going to jail so no way Jose, if I wanted to shoot myself then i should do exactly that shoot me with me.

So a loooong day so had to take a restFoto 315 but then I saw these……… pills and pills!IMG_0959 along with a cool fuet which is what distracted me from the real thing. I was going to go for the pills get an overdose and there is the fuet, here a closer look to one220px-Fuet it´s from the region of Spain Catalonia and is a thin, cured, dry sausage of pork meat in a pork gut. It damn good. So that distracted me, I eventually ended up eating three of those and I was so full and groggy it seemed like I couldn´t even open my eyes  after thatFoto 290. Man was I tired.

So now it´s 6:40 p.m and I have decided to hell with it and to keep on smoking like a maniac that´s why I got theseIMG_1030, yep,they are all contraband cigarettes, they taste like shit but their cheep and they weight this muchIMG_1011


So as of right now I´m just going to do the funky chicken dance.

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses

What should I write about……

Hello there my name is what? My name is who? Charly is me and my friend is Winnie the Pooh, I sit around the most of the day, getting high on pain medication, then writing but my mind is gets clouding, Claudet, if I have a daughter I will name her Claudet. Sounds like a medieval old English type of name from a Queen. Imagine that, me having a kid, the freaking thing would probably start walking on her second month just to get away from me. Good thing of that is, that I would have created an independent person. Don´t know if she would be a Queen or turn up in the streets but she would be independent. Unlike me right now.

So….da da di da, what should I say, things do go my way, I read and write a lot that´s for sure. By the way I´d like to get a stripper, and now being a little cripple with a broken ankle, forgot also a bad back and pancreatitis, so I´m actually a full blown out cripple and I managed to get there at age 32. How many people can say that? Quite an accomplishment if you ask me, not the best of them, but in it´s way it´s an accomplishment. They should give me some type of price. A golden hen maybe, laying out golden eggs. Anyhow anyways, the stripper, yes, was going here and there so I need a stripper and she´ll probably do a discount for a cripple. Now that I think about it the government should make some law that for cripples so we can get free lap dances. Or just some hot woman that feels sorry for cripples…how many woman out there are like that, none. Women are mean, they should do me in just to purge their heart and soul and mind, actually I would be doing them a favour by purging them from their sins, sins or not, just the act of kindness to have sexual encounters with a cripple should be enough for them. Fuck, am I going hay wire over here.

Got a poem, want to read:

My name is Charly
I´m a manly man

I have two dogs
I ate Spagetti today,
for, a second day on a row
now I´ll shut up.

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.

Presence of mind

Presence of mind
when things go bad he does find
so, it comes and goes
patience and calmness reaches his goals
six long weeks for him plus other screwed family things
in that hard moments is what gives him wings

out with the tissues.. ha, never had them really
no time for that silly, time for fighting
until dust biting

to adapting
testing, he
strangely enough he thrives in that must

In the moment of truth his presence of mind
it´s what people who don´t know him awkwardly  eventually find
to their bewilder of mind
but do thank their rare behind

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses

Dichotomy of me

Damn, is 2:15 a.m and I was going to say that I was bored as hell but not really, I just spend the last 3 hours writing a short story. Later on I started thinking, which is rare for me I just do it once in a blue moon.

I should have done a bunch of things this month, that includes shitty jobs, see the social security gal that advises me in my economical situation and what type of helps the government is throwing away to people like me, getting pissed drunk and having sex with some random chick, have to pay the bills for my attorney and the the court fees so now I´m broke again. I was going to move to a bedroom in a house with two other people next month and that wont be since I have a broken ankle and have to take some pain medicine, keep the leg up and then stick a needle that is suppose to not let the blood clutter since I´m not moving, plus 10 of those needles for ten days just cost me today 50 euros, and I have to inject it for 6 weeks it´s what the doctors said that I should be with the cast and moving as little as possible. Then I have my two parents who are sick, and me…damn again.

I would like to write some sad story as I see in other blogs, or some sorry words, or some profound thing about life and mortality or some thing like that. And I have been closer to mortality than probably most of the population on several occasions and I just can´t say anything like that. I feel like laughing at the whole situation. You had to see me on crutches walking down to the garden and feeding the two dogs, freaking bastards. Then up and down the stairs again to get ice for the foot, and since I see that both of my parents are getting worst I finally told my mother to go get some sleep that I could manage the meal. That was a joke to see me bumping into things, though the spaghetti came out quite nice. Try to do all those things with just one leg, plus grabbing the plates, e.t.c. Plus the pain, I had to laugh at my situation.

Why dichotomy of me, because I´m terrible at regular day to day things, most of the time anyways. Then my drinking problem.  But when the proverbial shit hits the fan drinking and party goes out the window,then take  care of two people while you are on crutches and in pain and take care of yourself, but the last thing that crosses my mind is to feel sorry for myself, and I have absolutely no sentiments towards me or my feelings. I know I have to do A B and then C. Whatever it takes, but it has to be done. And I do it. Which is why I have always said that I go in what I call my “robotic mode”. Crying or getting anxious in this moment because of health situations of my parents is not going to solve a thing, so that´s discarded and let alone me with the freaking pain and crutches stumbling around the house and garden and later on this next week I´ll have to go to the doc and eventually see the social security worker. And it is quite tiresome walking with one leg on crutches and specially with my own health having sever pancreatitis that has left me very weak since I do not take as much care of myself as I should. But, when situations like these come at me….hell, I don´t know what happens to me but I´m great at reacting and solving the problems at hand.

Just a 2 a.m thought.