Confession of an ex bartender.

When I returned from the U.S, I worked as bartender, yep. The dude who´s behind the bar pouring drinks to hot ass girls and getting free drinks and getting hot ass girls. I was in my  late 19 to early 20´s . I was young, had hair, was quite fit and could stand for 8 hours without collapsing. Not the case now in either of those traits. And this was in an island from Spain and in a club which was a chill out bar with a lot of rich people, beautiful girls, and their money was also beautiful. I just returned from a failed scholarship in the U.S, so this was quite a cure to my state of depression. Got the job from a friend that had moved there some years ago to find job, and he had worked there. After the first week of training to know where, which, and how to mix different type of cocktails, not that easy I might add specially when the club-bar,whatever you want to call it got filled with people.

I was just watching “Cocktail” yesterday, I have a man crush on Tom Cruies,sorry ladies to disappoint you. I´m gay, but only gay for Tommy boy. I´m a one man gay if you will. So watching that movie, I though, what a bunch of shit for the most part, and started writing things I remembered, specially the things that pissed me off.

1) Waving….what the hell? I know you are there. That´s my job to serve, search for bottles, mix drinks, take orders talk with people at the same time making them feel comfy and nice, specially the women….I don´t need a fat ass bastard waving at me like lost wife that his husband is going to some far away land and she waves and waves even when she can´t see the bus and expecting that for some miracle the bus turns around. I can see you!!! That is part of my job,to have my head on a swivel. I´ll get to you, you are not the only one. Stop waving at me idiot, I´m not a taxi.

2)The loud mouth…come on, I´m not saying that you sit put until all the stars are line correctly but if you see I´m taking an order stop with the shouting. I already hear you, and there is a sequence to this, certain people get first in line or I see them coming first and then I see you. Don´t sweat it, specially if I make eye contact with you, wink, or nod my head as in telling you, I got you. I´m not superman.

3) Getting orders when I have my back turned to the bar….If I´m not facing the customer it was probably for two reasons, either I´m searching some bottle that God know´s where it is, or I´m recording a sale. So although I am able to do multiple things, stop talking to the back of my head. Is of sno help neither for me nor for you. You are not going to get the drink much faster.

4) Asking my name….Happened rarely, but mostly with girls. The opposite genre I didn´t care, but a guy….I don´t want to hear a dude screaming his chest out, specially when he is already drunk my name every two seconds. Pisses me off and drives the customer out.

5)The personal questions…Pissed me off when some stranger asked them. What does he care if I´m married, how old I am, I know that I look young are you an idiot I have a mirror in my little studio. Get to know  me and me you for some time if you are a regular then we can talk a little more private type of things and even then I´d probably lie to you. But a stranger, a one stopper…give me a brake. Don´t bother, tell me about the weather or something.

On the upside, the drinks for me where free, although I didn´t have too much but sometimes if I got caught up with the ladies and had a couple of shots with the I sometimes would end up  pouring a Margarita to a guy who just ordered a Jack and Daniel´s.But I made up for it . Made some kind of joke about pouring too many drinks to women “over there the single ones” and winked at him. You learn pretty quickly to read people, I think this was the time when my two neurons worked at it´s best. And of course the ladies….aaaaa, still cry about it at night. Me, with my young face and fit body, childish charm, some liked it so when the shift was done, she was about to get started. Still don´t know what´s with the ladies and bartenders, but there is a sexual attraction. So that was the good old times, I think my Tommy has nothing to do against me at that age. Now I don´t have a man crush.

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.