comedy

Military hat


Did the U.K went to battle with those hats? Had to be a bit uncomfortable,
they did use them in WWI the least I know. That´s freaky, corona coronaaaaa
(would wanted to say fuck out of here, but I got the message, better late than never,
and what´s up with those guys wearing that weird hat)

This shit happens only to me

I get out of bed ready to face reality. I walk to the bus station and wait
for the bus and wait and wait. “Where the F is the bus?” Well it is a feast day,
so if already most things are shut with Chineese Virus (except the local Chineese stores here
in the great country of Spain), today at least everything is shut down thanks
to a holiday which I don´t know who the fuck is celebrating, but the holidays name is
Nativity of the Blessed Virgin Mary, there is no double meaning about the virgin and Mary,
although I did have sex with a Mary and I do remember this one was no virgin.
I actually told a friend by phone, ” You could have let me know you A-in the hole!”
Just laughter, so back to the freaking room I rent and start cleaning all day this shit hole.
Back again in the freaking room, and writing weird things. There you go, thank you
Virgin Mary which as Dr. Wikipedia told me she is the mother of Jesus, I´m good with that
since I´m a Catholic, but fuck me it had to be today that absolutely everything is closed
and I woke up with my paint war face? Make it tomorrow or yesterday the holiday, who cares one day later
or sooner, although I might have check this out if I wondered a bit out of the freaking room.
Happy Holiday Virgin Mary. Yes, holiday for you since I´m fucked. Lets sing…. Hallelujah!!

The priest is playing a prank on me!

Jingle bells jingle bells jingle all the way.
I live right next to a church, stop the freaking bells, Jesus Christ,
what the hell, is this guy going nutty on the whole town?
Ding Ding Ding, jingle bells for a minute. I actually timed it. Kind of weird by the way.
I think this A hole is just messing with us, sorry he is priest I´m a Christian and I do
know them personally, there are two so that would be two… and they actually live 50 yards
from me. Would be good is my guess to get along with them, specially one of them
that when we cross paths, since this is a small town so you can imagine, and a small world also,
so he sees me and keeps on telling me to go to his sermons. As a bad Catholic I never go
but God has a sense of a twisted humor that´s for sure. Point being…… Ding Dong Ding the Dong
just stop with the freaking bells, holy shit, corona.

Mad Max World!


You know that movie? Well, it´s the same in Spain.
Go to the supermarket, 38 degrees celcious that would be over 100 Farenheit,
everybody with masks, no jobs and pissed off. Got 4 cans of shitty food,
I drop one it explodes hence the “supervisor” of the supermarket goes wild,
I tell him not in a sensitive tone to shut the fuck up, you pick it up, your job.
Get to the cashier and see a 60+ year old man, probably his first time
in a modern supermarket, like my father, now the wife´s stay home and it´s in our culture
for the man not to go to the supermarket, but now….I see this man looking at sheets,
yes as in sheets you put on the bed and I myself suddenly realize my first time in 37 years
I have lived in this planet that the sheets cost 20$. Holy shit, I actually tell this man
since I know this is novice for him, I tell him ” Man, who would have thought they cost so much”
Him, ” I´ll let it to my wife” and we both laugh.
Mad max word, and both of us with the freaky masks.

What´s changed?

Mother and Father asked me “what has changed?”
I looked at father a simply said, “I´m back”.
Take the fucking pack
Smoke some snack

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses (yes you gentesses are inferiour… 😉 no politcal correctness here)
Plus you know I love you, specially women by the way, I also love guys in another way that is,
but…. got myself a snot.

Have a great Sunday gents and gentesse… I did fucking repeat myself, damn with this coron and hospital,
mom is still alive though, so that is good, now the crazy self proclaimed girlfriend on my fathers facebook
is still calling, so I just put on the music

which by the way my mother loves that series and the music, but she is unresponsive,
so got the other crazy one calling me telling me how bad she feels for my situation…. yep,
you feel bad, specially trying to put me in prison for you lies, very bad you feel, this bitch,
I should not use the the B word, but for crying out loud, this woman I think she gets up
in the morning and inmediately start thinking how to screw other people up, not only me,
for now it seems I´m her primary target but she does it with everyone, just a narcissist-sociopath.
´
What has changed?
WE CAME BACK.

The hunt

Just woke up at 4 a.m in the hospital watching my mother dying,
no crying, but….
I have no idea why but I wanted my Nestea with lemon.
Curious thing,
The hospital vending machine
you can pay a 2 dollar thing with a credit card
but the freaking Nestea is 1.90 cents and the machine won´t take
the remake,
of a 2 euros coin.
So, no coin now I´m in pain with no gain,
up the elevator again…check in the room and see one euro with 80 cents
plus the freaking 2 euros coin that I´m asking every sould I see if
they have change, people looking at me weird… NO! I just shave my beard
and I want that Nestea near
might as well add a beer
by the way,
after what seemed like a day…. Winner! I got a person to give
me coins as change for exchange of the 2 Euros coin, finally…NESTEA!
feeeeeeeling gooood, and what is the process in my head?
Waking up in a freaking hospital, kiss mommy that is in comma, next thing in
my head is the Nestea, go figure this one out, I can´t, but I eventually
got through all that ordeal, that is what I consider an ordeal,
not death and life situations,
those are my normality situations
but no Nestea? I got nutty.

Battle of the neighbours

7 a.m….. “Broooooooooom!!!!!!” Holy crap what is going on with that sound?
Well, it is an actual chainsaw. The neghbour to my right is putting on a chainsaw,
and the guy doesn´t even have any trees in his little patio. Now is 8.21 a.m,
and the guy still going at it. Corona Cooooorna!!!! This guy went nuts, he went
off the cliff. Funny thing, you got all the other neighbours calling him not nice names
plus as I´m writing right now I can hear the sirens of the police.
Holy shit, poeple are going a bit nutty. And why the fuck am I so calm?
Take away the corona just my personal tragedies. Calm. I actually like the chainsaw
noise, got accostumed to it.