comedy

Battle of the neighbours

7 a.m….. “Broooooooooom!!!!!!” Holy crap what is going on with that sound?
Well, it is an actual chainsaw. The neghbour to my right is putting on a chainsaw,
and the guy doesn´t even have any trees in his little patio. Now is 8.21 a.m,
and the guy still going at it. Corona Cooooorna!!!! This guy went nuts, he went
off the cliff. Funny thing, you got all the other neighbours calling him not nice names
plus as I´m writing right now I can hear the sirens of the police.
Holy shit, poeple are going a bit nutty. And why the fuck am I so calm?
Take away the corona just my personal tragedies. Calm. I actually like the chainsaw
noise, got accostumed to it.

Quarantine rap


Quarantine
let me begin
I worded the Spanish hymn,
we don´t have words in the hymn so I made them up,
forgot,
don´t even know at this point what I got
the room I rent is cleaned 5 times a day
to my own dismay
quaaaaarantine quaaaaaarantine going a bit nutty
and is not San Valentine.

Gianluca

Holy shait, quarantine quarantine let me begin,
watching Giani the Lucky startin,
quarantine quarantine…. how long will this internet thing be kept on?
Anyways anyhows I got my tent prepared to sleep next month in the street,
eat rats
mixed with bats,
and in the meantime watching this crazy one, smart crazy though.
Yoooo hooooo!!!!
Quarantine quarantine….. let me begin

Hottie in the line!!

Quarantine, that in this house nobody cares about. Everyone making money how they can,
this house turns into a whore house….anyways.
The´ll be better days.

Go to get a lot of lighters in the cigarette shoping mall of Spain,
and… Hottie in front of me!!! All in black with her headphones since
only one person is allowed at the same time in the cigarrete shop,
Pop!
I have a good view.

The person in front of her exits, and this girl just looking around, looks at me
the big HE!
And I´m just moving my hand as if saying “get in there is your turn or you want all of us
to wait here all day and discuss over muffins”
She looks at me weird, I point the finger, heavy heavy movement of my index finger to get inside,
suddenly it seemed to register in her brain apoligizes and goes in.
And do her great begin.

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.

Magical gloves

Here goes a shorty story about the supermarket.
Now with this virus the supermarkets here in Spain give put plastic gloves in the entrance.
The other day, since they stack them so packed on a box, I spend half an hour to
put the freaking glove on. Plus since they are so packed, they stick together
and when I pulled one out 50 went to the floor.
Now I have become an expert at putting on those shitty gloves that makes not rational
sense, how many people stuck their hands in there before I did?

Anyways, go put on the gloves quickly, I pass a 60 year old man would be my guess,
but very well dressed, nice white Polo t-shirt, nice jeans, very hip gentleman.
Now a days, it is the man doing the shopping I did notice that in the supermarket.
All men, and you got to understand that at least here in Spain these older men are
not use to go to do the shopping.

Point being, I get into the supermarket after putting the dummy gloves,
I see this man struggling to put one, it fells to the floor he looks at it
as if it was a perons from Mars and says calmly “fuck” just staring down
at the glove. I was thinking is this gentleman going to pick it up or does
he expect for the glove to jump to his hand…

Later on I´m on the line to pay, I see the same gentleman trying to weight the groceries
on the scale, the scale here you weith the groceries you enter a number and it gives you
a ticket that give you the amount to pay, then pass it on to the register. Again you need
little bags to weigh the grocecries and this guy is sturggling, agan it all falls apart
he just looks at it and again “fuck”. Not a “fuck!!!” Just a murmor “fuck” and the gentleman
still watching at the mess. It had me smiling, he suddently looks up and sees me,
he just shrugs as if saying “Hey, what can I do? I just discovered America”

This corona thing is good for feminist, they are making all guys do the shooping.
The gentleman was unique, you think in his 60 years of life ever went shopping?
No, this was a complete new experience but the tone he said the F word was funny.
At least I´m not the only not experience one, more than him for sure, but not the only
male dummy when it comes to go to the supermarket, know where each thing is, prices,
get the ones on the back ot the shelfe´s since they have more time on expiration date, e.t.c.
Just a funny escape of the quarantine.