doctor

A blood story(300 words long but funny.. I think)


I was cutting my head with the cutting perfect hair cutting machine,
Machine goes ” puff puff” so the cutting perfet hair machine is not operational-
I have this so called meeting with the dealer,
“Hey! You know where I live so come on up!”Dealer says,
I know is bullshit obviously, but let him bring the deal to me,
I have a point…..
the fucking cutting hair machine is no good. Point I might be a bit high. Point
Another one, Point. Might try to put a hat on before walking outside
with half the hair cut but at this point seemed it didn´t entered my mentall process,
and then the cut in my finger from trying to fix the no-cutting-hair machine Point.
Yes! I did try with the “blade”- other people just call it ” the thing men use to cut the hair on our face
and women to cut the hair on other parts”- I just call it The Blade, sounds cooler?

This one is cooler, so I walk down my house since he knows where I live and really checking
on me, hi local police, it is the locals…so what are they going to do with my stupidity?
Quite some if they wanted really,
I´m getting of my great topic.

I thought it was fun at that moment when my “friend” did the transaction and he suddenly says
“What the fuck?” But in the South Americana style….
Looking at my “new” hair cut and my thumb finger rolling with blood.
So that´s a weird fucking story and how not… I just put it in public.
This can be a total reck
Or a heck-hecking, I invent words, and invent myself, I should have a camera to put a photo of
my great face but a really weird haircut, on my deadly! Cut on my finger
I lost too much blood, nurses I need (that was plural)(. Point.
I accomplished something. No?…. No sayers you people… He is a funny dude the dealer,
He looks at my face-hair looks at my bloody finger and says ” If I see blood I faint please
don´t show it to me”. funny man specially the guy goes on about the corona virus…. fuck me.
Hope some bithc ex girlfriends we both have and shared, translates this to him. He cool sista!
That was gangsta!

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.

Doctor in shock (short story)

True story…unfortunately

Yesterday I had two appointments with the docs, that in itself can tell you how great my health is.
I’m waiting for over an hour for my number to come up in the t.v screen to enter room 13.
I’m looking at the t.v, looking down at my little piece of paper with my number, looking
and looking for almost two hours.That day I woke up at seven a.m, barely slept three hours,
my head is dead basically, I only focus on the freaking t.v screen to see if my number comes up.

It´s a huge waiting area, people are mad since they too are waiting way too much,
lets say there was not a Merry Christmassy spirit in the air, actually more like an air of death,
of psychopaths.

Ding! my number comes up, shit finally. I sit up with my eyes almost closed,
I’m trying extremely hard not to go to sleep for the final few steps until I get to the door.
I enter and the doctor tells me to ¨take off my clothes from waist up¨ and then she leaves.
Well, as I said before my state of mind was in a zen mood, my neurons not moving too fast,
so I took off all my clothes. She walks in, basically screams
¨what are you doing?!!¨except she did use the F word. I too was a bit in shock,
I looked at her a bit dumbfounded and told her that she did tell me to take off my clothes,
in my head I was thinking she was the nutty one. I did, unintentionally, a shock and awe on her.
She reminded me that she actually told me to take my clothes off from the waste up.

I think she was thinking I did it on purpose, which is what most people would think really,
so now, not even the ¨digestive¨ doctor will want to see me. My name is famous in that hospital,
they should rename it after me. This woman will never forget this patient for sure.
This crazy shit only happens to me. But now thinking about it and telling the story to people,
they all seem to find it extremely funny, but, thinking a second time,
I just sexually harassed a doctor…..

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.

Dr. Charly is in the house!

Foto 273

About the shirtless thing, just woke up I do have a shirt on actually but if I had to take a picture it takes and eternity for this fucked up computer to get into photobooth so I just took one from the media part of the blog, plus it gives me more credibility as a doctor.

 

Sometimes I go by the name of Charles other times by Charlie and others by Charly. Either way, you might not believe it but I am a Psychiatrist hence the Dr. part before the name. Not a licensed one or the conventional one, but I have found out that I do give quite good compliments and have a deep understanding into human nature. So if your in dire strait please contact me.

If you feel suicidal…….take a deep breath, count to 9 and one quarter, take a step to the edge of where you are going to throw yourself and really look down at the people that are crossing underneath you. Would you really want to end up falling on top  of someone and making them also look like cream pie all plastered through the floor? You could be charged in a second degree murder, maybe not technically since you are already gone but you will be remembered as the suicide killer. You really want that? I doubt it. That would make you pause ad think twice. I know there are other methods of killing one self , but lets go slowly at least one of the methods is out of the table, the round table of options now you have one less.

Are you feeling lonely…….buy a dog. A study from the University of I don´t know in which part of the U.S but I´m sure it was in the U.S since who in the world would spend millions on studies such as studying the dogs brain and finally coming up with the official conclusion that dogs have feeling. Not kidding they actually did a study on that. Are you fucking kidding me? It took a bunch highly trained highly financed and equipped nerdy perdy dudes and dudess to reach that conclusion, Jeeesus only in the U.S, love the country though. But really, I´m not a pet psychologist but I do have two mean nasty farting machines dogs and I can tell when if I yell at one of them because they just peed on the balcony that their ears will go down so as the tail and specially the girl dog I have, like most other females that are humans( ladies! yeah woaw!) does keep more resentment towards me during a longer period of time than the male. The male couldn´t give a shit the bastard, he´ll be doing it again in a couple of hours so that one is a lost case. My mother goes away for holidays, the dogs are used to certain hours when she takes them outside, since they themselves won´t go outside by themselves and they are suppose to be attack dog, what the fuck are these two going to attack I ask myself, anyways at certain hours usually at 7 p.m they start walking up and down the house and looking at you sideways as in saying “come on dude!” so up you go, stop my writing or reading or maybe masturbating depending on the day and I walk them outside to see them, well just take more pisses more  shits, run a couple of meters, getting fruits that have fallen down from a tree and bringing it to me. Point being, feeling depressed buy a dog and your depression will turn to anger. No more feeling down just thoughts of murder.

Feeling agressive…..No problem, go out and buy yourself a male whore or a female whore. It has been proven that sex is the best antidote for agressive people. It has something to do with the neurons and receptors, I won´t go to deep into it since it´s kind of boring the technical thing.

Feeling that you are in a deep hole and you can´t get out of it…….that your world is falling on top of you kind of thing. No worries, take my example, I´ve been to two nasty pasty screwed up nasty rusty countries, been shot at, lost 3 guys, decided to become a cool drunk, and a cool homeless person, nightmares, bad memories, and at age 30 almost died of pancreatitis, and look! here I am. Alive doing the funky chicken dance at 8:30 in the morning, so always remember that out there  there is some one always a little more fucked up than you. And that they do climb the hole out, quite amazing what humans can do if they put their mind to it.

Last, and most important, take what I said very seriously, or not, then go to the mirror and have a nice laugh at yourself. Giggle like a little girl, don´t take what people say to heart nor what they do or not do. And all this advice free of charge.

Stay frosty gents and gentesses.