Let me introduce myself

Hi ladies and gentleman, specially gentlemen…
My name is Tina, the idiots of my handlers, ha, they think they are
able to handle me, bunch of troglodytes, well these idiots called me
Tina after the singer Tina Turner. That bitch, I´m way better looking
than her, check me out boys, e-mail me and I´ll give you my Facebook
page, but only for the hot gentlemen.
They keep taking photos of me, you like my teeth? White as pearls.
And the other day, that Charly guy, stupid idiot tried to confuse me
thinking that my pal to your left of the picture was actually a true one
like me, see?
That Charly, crazy…. I think he was drunk as a skunk,the imbecile thought
I thought that the ugly teddy bear was for real, yo Charly! Shout out to
you, you dumb sucker.
I just like to make his life miserable, I bite him everywhere and at every
opportunity I have, he has to learn to know who wears the pants in this
new relationship, yo yo yo!!! Me, I´m the queen baby!
Poor bastard tried to put a barrier around him while he was
pretending he was writing in that stupid computer of his that
gets internet whenever it wants to get it, even the computer owns
him, ha! Anyways he put this stupid barrier
but I got through, I always find holes and if not I bite myself through
walls if need be. It was a bit tiring so then I had a great
spanish siesta I´m an English Bulldog, used to cold and rainy weather,
but I love the spanish siesta, one of the few things I like about
this country, it´s freaking hot here.
Anyways, glad to meet you all and……yo boys! Give me your cellphones,
I´m getting bored of being in this house all day.

You crazy hurricane

Look at you and then be true
you are actually the only one that is that…true
and you don´t even go in the face blue, weirdo, or wierda,
or stand still, since i´m your master the procaster and you
are, yo cool fool, always fun to be around you
you are even better looking than, Scooby Do!
You are a little hurricane
you also drive me insane
but i actually like you
can you really yell “mew”?…if not
we should work on that.

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.

New member to the family

I would like to introduce you to Tina,
yep, Tina, I had no clue why what that name,
but mommy,or Rambo Mom, she said after I said
“that name is dumb”, then she said “No, you are dumb
her name is Tina, as in Tina Turner”. So that was the
end of the converstaion, after that she smacks me, what an
evil person she is. So there it is, the new member of
the familly joining us, next Sunday. Forgot.
That is not really she, I got that photo from google
since I couldn´t “copy” and ” paste” from the original
one.

Tina Tina
you don´t look like a hyena
you look more like…whatever
hope you come up good, since your new mother
is going to treat you like a shrine
you´re going to be devine.

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.

Sleepy Hollow (poem)

Walking up the steps
i hear the depths
of someone….something
i´m freaking
i hear the noise
no voice
i don´t rejoice
what can it be?
i ask me
up the steps
a lot of depths
nooooooo!
monster
dongster
no master
dangermaster
it´s him
the slim
sleepy hollow of sin

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.

I´m opening a dog brothel.

Yesterday night while I was eating dinner alone. Well, not exactly alone if you consider having as your dinner companions two dogs. A male yep, that´s him and the female which apparently has taken to one of my habits. Know I have to spend double on cigarettes. What a b..ch. Anyways I was eating some juicy stake, and these bastards seemed to love it. I told them that watch out since in other countries like China, they may not eat stake  but they do eat your types. The idiots wouldn´t believe me even the male which the family as a whole has come to the conclusion that he is in fact a bit retarded, he´s also deaf and doesn´t bark. Plus his name is Lucky, and he has everything but luck the poor bastard but the idiot or not so idiot since he can´t hear me,my  assumption is that he knows how to read my lips, so he heard it andyep, stuck his tongue at me. They eventually sat next to me and while I was eating they started making out, not kidding. I didn´t care at the beggining, although it is a bit weird since they are brother and sister, not sure if they get it, but there I was eating a nice stake that by each passing moment I was starting to choke on it seeing what the where doing This was the least, the male started humping the female and I decided to put a stop to it. Couldn´t even finish my juicy stake seeing the penis of this bastard. So I had an Eureka moment. Dogs do need to “relief” themselves once in a while just as humans do. I probably have to relief myself more than the average male or female for that matter,  but I´m just a pervert which is another story. And I came up with the idea of opening a dog brothel. Why not? Humans have them, why should they not have it. Even PETA would be on my side on this one.

First, I would take them out off outside dangerous situationsthat must be some scary shit for the dog looking at all these guys with guns. Also no combat deploymentsalthough I will say this, this black dog is quite smart. He´s watching out the rear of his male counterpart. But the noise of rifles firing can be too much for them and I don´t want more PETA people crying about it. Plus they seem to get a bit of trigger happyand that can pose a danger when they return to the civilian life, which to me sometimes doesn´t seem to civilised, but that too is another story.

Conclusion, for their sake, for our sake since first you don´t want your dog to get a 50 caliber rifle and start shooting cats. Plus I don´t want have nightmares after I saw the penis of my dog trying to penetrate the female while I was eating and almost vomited. I decided to talk for them cause they can´t. This morning I went in full recruitment mode, first got Sandra she´s a natural by the way. And then got Julie which I had to apply some make up,I do think the ending product turned out so bad. If I´m starting a dog brothel I figured we also needed some party for our adorable dogs so Joe over here gave me a hand with some cool stuff. I also had to provide for beer, but that money came out of my pocket. Joe just stole it. He maybe small, but quite a bastard. In matter of hours we had our first customers waiting outside the door I know, they might be small but they are horny as hell. And good payers I might add. Once they got in before going with the girls one of them started ordering drinks right away and you should see this thing chuck down all that beverage, who knew that such a small thing could have such a big intake  of fluids… an plus the weed… they where having a ball. So it was an all out win win situation for everyone. They had fun, I pocketed some money in what was my empty wallet and they all went back home not to do creepy things in the house like my two dogs, and much more tranquil. They do need relief, an owner thanked me since know he doesn´t have to deal with this again.

So overall, I´m making PETA happy taking out these dogs from dangerous situations, plus most of the members of PETA are women, so wink wink, that´s should be a plus for me. I´m making dogs happy as well as humans. Although I do have my enforcer in case one of these humans says some nasty words about my new revelation to make humans and dogs live in harmony amongst each other. Naa, i was just joking….or not.

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.

The nut has gone nuttier!

 Hi there, anybody want to be my friend?

Don´t answer yet, you can meet my gang of friends first and then decideWe look tough but really when the things get crazy meaning we did something bad well what we do is just run and run and also jump That normally happens after I have been on youtube and have heard a song of foofighters .

I do like girls but sometimes with all this boys wanting to be girls I do get a bit confused but that only happens after me and my friend have had a night of party and when I say party I mean party! Hell that was a night that I probably won´t be able to discuss with the rest of the people but after those nights…..Happens every single Monday. And I´m starting to get suspicious of my friends Anyways, screw them, I just love to tell you this, sitting down typing away I feel so freaking excited!

 

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.

A woman called Clemencia.

The priest came running out of his office sweat pouring from every pour of his thin body starvation was hitting every person of catholic belief. Starvation of liberty. He just received  an unexpected phone call, no matter how much he prayed to his dear God his prayers went unanswered and he was starting to doubt his own faith the world was swirling all around the Catholic Church debris hitting her like a human being hit by a hurricane so frail compared to the outside forces. They would not survive for long. The priest entered the Bishop´s office.

“What´s the matter? Compose your self.”

The priest finally caught his breath, “The archbishop of Boston has been killed.”

“It´s the second fatality we have had in less than a year, are my suspicions correct when I state that they are the same people who killed our bishop in San Francisco.”

“There is no doubt.”

“O.k, you go with the congregation, they are looking up to you and God for support. Reassure them that God will amend all these atrocities, we will survive, the church will survive. Go on and God be with you.” The priest nodded and took off to pas mass for his followers.

The bishop stood for a minute staring at the brown wall ahead of him, so empty of photographs or paintings, just as empty as his thoughts. The thought´s that had also been stolen like the pictures and photographs that had once been on the wall a year ago. They had full power now although it had taken them years to achieve this they where now on top and it seemed that no line was too red to be crossed. Here he was in the twenty first century and his thoughts retrieved to 708 when Islamist invaded and decided to wreak havoc among the christian population of the Iberian peninsula. He reached for the phone and called the Vatican. They gave him the go ahead.

She was sitting on a black chair standing out like an elephant in a room with her white nursing uniform, but she had been in that chair in that office for over two years and people had gotten use to see her. She actually was part of a greater campaign to have the people who didn´t live in the house appreciate even more the owner of the house. She could sense the stares that some of the people working there would throw at her and the nice phony conversations they would share with her thinking she was just another stupid prop they had to use to get the outside people keep on liking the inside man. She was there for a purpose, when God will call on her she would use her skill to do what HE needed her to do. She knew every single room every single closet and what where inside those closets her situation awareness and hearing where amplified. She was the only one who could administer the shot of morphine every day to the inside man. That was the only thing he wanted her to do, she had accepted with the condition she could bring with her her dog a picture perfect beige labrador-retriever,who wasn´t camera shy and very photogenic which suited fine the hole image of the the beautiful white house she was working in.

The dog stood up and started liking her right palm. “I know honey, I know it hurts, but the time has come.”

It had been in the making for years. The Pope had designated her, she had a unique ability that God had given her, compassion and the gift of not being able to see. Being born blind never stopped her from accomplishing when at a very early age she heard the calling from God of what her destiny and purpose in the world would be. She  graduated with honours from Harvard walking out with a nursing degree. Her not being able to see never got in the way of being the best. When the inside man stood in front of the house giving a speech about universal healthcare and the right of a woman to choose, but at the same time proving to the world he was respectful of everyone. He would point out at her, Clemencia. The dark hair hispanic christian nun who had graduated with honours from Harvard like he had he said jokingly except he said she was the precious jewel of the american people. Then jokingly added, “She´s the one who keeps me going every morning, literally.” People could see her disability and at the same time see the heart of the man they had entrusted their country to move in the right direction. It was perfect for him, his numbers at the polls had been declining week after week and scandal after scandal was hitting the house. She was in effect, his precious jewel.

The time had come, the microchip implanted on her labrador-retriever more than three years ago had finally given the signal so she stood up with the dog and walked towards the east wing of the house passing by ten secret agents before she reached the door. She knocked.

“Come in Clemencia.” The deep voice called out.

“How are you feeling today sir?”

“I will be better now, that´s for sure.”

She could smell the the distinct damp odour of the musallah as the president stood up from it after being on his knees for his six minutes of prayer. Since he was in the United States he had to face east-north and that way he would face Mecca. This meant a five minute fast walk from the west wing. But he too was on a mission from another God.

“Well, how was your day Clemencia?”

“It has been fine, the dog seems a little hungry.”

“Ooo, cute dog we´ll get you some stake after my shot, best in the free world.”

She administered the shot into his rear end. “I didn´t even feel it.”

“I´m glad Mr. President, you will feel another thing in a couple of seconds.”

“What?”

“My name is Clemencia Mr.President and it translate to clemency in english, which is what I´m giving you for your faults.”

The next day the nation mourned.