fatherhood

Why father why!!!

Why father why-
We said recently to mom goodby,
Why father why you don´t pat me on my head?
I know why father- You are not that type
Nor I need it, believe it, I know you believe it
That is why I love you, mother told me to love you,
As who you are and you are a great man, supporting as best you can
Why father why!!!! Why are you such a great man?

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.

My life (very short version)

I´m 37, lost my mother on the 14th of last month. The woman that literally raised
me by her own since father was always working and providing for us.
I don´t recall a so called “father figure”. Now he lost his wife of 50 years,
who he calls? Me. More glad than ever and I strangely find myself in a position
when I feel like I was 25 in the army in Afghanistan in charge of 4 guys.
My father is obviously not a cushy man, I have always thought he was superman in my eyes,
now I see his vulnerabilities and I hate that for him, like in the army days with
4 guys in charge I was at age 25, so I keep the conversation light, to the point,
keep his mind off our tragedy and move on. I actually told him to move on, apart from other things.
And I am talking both about the person (my mother) that raised me and I could always call her
laugh at my crazy things. Now the roles seem to be reversed, and I will reiterate again that
my father is a tough motherfucker. He called me that by the way. But he is human it seems,
seems now to me. I only say that if I have something good going for me, is to put the tragedy
of my mothers death behind of my head in some black box, (like army experience) and the way
I talk to my father, the tone, the things I say, are reassuring for him.
Kind of weird thinking he was superman and never had a real conversation with him.
As I told him, we have to adapt.
If he called me this afternoon I inmediately knew he as a human has to talk to someone
about other things that is not work.

Father Hugs….. that was weird

You got to understand that I never had a close relationship with my father,
I´m not crying about it, I don´t have a grudge for him, nothing.
What I do have is being able to say this man is my father, I´m just proud what he became.
At the very least he always, I say again, always has helped me.
But it is just not in his nature the love and hug and expressing himself,
in a pussy way really is how I myself view it, not him.
So I got off the phone today with him talking about my mother and he ends
the short conversation, “see you, hugs”, I don´t know what the fuck to say
so I clicked off. Hugs…. Each family to their own, each person to their own,
I can always give a kiss to mommy, but the father… just weird and I do love him to death.

The man the myth the legend

Made it! is 312 words. More to the story obviously.
The only person in my family after I graduated from basic military training that was there…Dad.
My mother at a young age told me, school or work? Me- neither I´m too cool. So got kicked out.
Today, my mother calls me, ” Why don´t you come by the new house, we did this and that”,
Me-No money for transport.
30 minutes later I get a call that it is the only phone I don´t write down, It´s just kept in the head,
father, I´ll send you 20$. I go out and wait and wait, 1 hour later he calls me and tells me the
bank cashier is not working. So I figured, so lets get back to the shitty room and write with no
smokes and I had been without food for 5 days, which obviously I didn´t tell them, so I´m slim ladeeeeys!
He also tells me that he will get it to me when he calls. I´m thinking it´s imposible.
15 minutes later father says ” it´s done” No more words, that´s it. It is done. He transfered 20$.
Mom did raised me, she wants to talk most every day, she does have her limits obviously.
Dad? He does not want to talk, not with me nor anybody un-important, meaning that something that he gets
something out of it, intellecually most of the time, (most) only when it is important.
And I got to believe I´m important for the man,but no bullshit crying nor showing weakness, but
how in his tough mind can sort of relate to me? is beyond me.
No crying, the MAN, give you his word and he will make it happen whatever it takes.
I learned that in the army.
Just only 20$ for the son to go see mom( that´s was the key really).
That is the man,the myth, the legend.

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.

love of a father

Sorry, I don´t know why this picture appeared.
He does seem to have a grand day.
It was my mother who raised me, she took care of me,
now is my job to take care of her.

When I got basically kicked out of college and the US, yes, I did study there.
I got home at age 19, but not to my parents home so I jumped from job to job,
is not so bad being a bartender…. ya know girls!

I got bored so I joined the Spanish Legion.

My mother couldn´t handle it.
But who was there? The father.

He was born in a family that is not family oriented,to say the least.
You can´t expect more from the man emotionally, but he is truly a genius in his work.

conversation with me and him goes,

ME- ¨hello¨
HE- ¨Are you good?¨
My answer is always that I am good.

Just people. Except this one is a genius. And the fucked up son, he will protect me
and knowing him I don´t know why. Being deployed in the army, I talked only with him,
no emotions as I said before he will just say ¨Everything good?¨, just my dad, a great man.

Hopefully he doesn´t read this pussy shit.

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses,.

very hard men

I think I´m tough because of my military experience,
apart from that….nothing. I came up with a familly who
provided lights,food, roof over the head, education,mom is my communication,
dad is the rare but necessary infiltration.

Father (and mother)grew up with absolutely no money after the Spanish civil war,
I can go and go and go on about how he made it to what he is now
and I think even before.

His 3 other brothers lets say to be nice, are not the best,
but he made something of himself. I won´t go into much detail,
apart from reading my post of him,fuck shit!

I believe these type of people are really born with a drive,
that drive took him to places that when I learn from it,
from mother ofcourse since this man will never tell me nothing,
that fucking drive you have to be born with it. My guess,
but even though I might have not been up to his expectations
or I might have been I will never really know and I don´t really
care by the way, it´s me and me, love him to death though and he,
well my pretty guess is that, in his own way, he does loves me.

Getting out of topic, a hard man, from building bricks to
building nations on politicians that are SOME, not all, dicks.

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.