Corpsman up!!!

Tragedy, I hope there is some remedy. The Romans figures adorning the whole town
amongst other things like little Jesus and Mary, and donkeys and a bunch of other nativity
pieces… shit! The romans are down!!
Some one yelled
Corpsman up!
So I had to speedup
Or it was too hot so I did stay still,
do a bit of my own chill, and then went to see…
There are more down Romans, the Spanish Empire is in dire…straights,
I took out my old uniform, put on my new platform, and it was restored the norm.

Now I saved, yet again the Spanish Empire
You people should not do an admire
I am that humble
Saving Spanish Empire from ruble…or at least the freaky Romans
The Spanish corpsman saved the day,
We´ll be back soon to restart our Spanish crusade.

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.

Driven crazy by technology

Prompt by :

“See that mom?”The eight year old pointed straight up in the air.

The mother as always was busy with her cellphone and her wassaup, talking with her
girlfriend and some sexually charged conversations with some online people. She love
the freedom that it gave her, her little and often dirty escape from her day to day
life reality of marriage and taking care of her son.

“Mom! Did you see that?”

“What honey?” She still had her eyes glued to her i-phone

“Dad is up in that building.”

“Honey please.”

“Mom!! He is shouting for you to pay attention.”

“Honey I don´t hear anything.”

All around them people had gathered staring up at the pyramid form skyscraper.

One passerby said, “What a wuss this dude, asking his wife for her attention.” All
the guys around giggled and slapped each other in the back.

High above Frank, was in tears. He had tried to make his marriage work, even during
sex she would pick up the phone and text, while at the same time moaning which was even
more incredible to him.

He had enough, he was going to get her attention real good now.

“To heeeeeeelll wiht yoouuu!!!” He shouted as he felt one hundred stories to the floor.

The next day, the mother. Teresa, was called in all the local papers “The most abnoxious
woman in sillicon valley” followed by “married to one of the dumbest in the valley.”

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.

The good Shepherd.(Flash fiction)

I just woke up to a buzzing sound, it was almost as a fly was buzzing inside my head. I looked around more disoriented than my grandmother being stuck in a disco. Finally I saw it, it was the alarm clock sitting on the wooden little square table right next to my bed. I´v been activated. The mission has just started.

I quickly shower, shave, come my dark hair take a quick glance at the mirror and it almost cracks from the beauty emanating from it. I put on my best suit. A black suit white shirt and black tie black shoes, I almost look like the men in black. The only exception I´m not black like Will Smith, apart from that little hiccup I look the part. I ran like a gazelle and get into my car, it´s fifteen years old but it´s a jaguar, I should be able to do this. I´m able to do it.

I finally arrive, I see the crowd walking in. This is my time, the Shepard has come to dominate and infiltrate. I go through the back entrance, I take a quick glance to my right then to my left, sweat is starting to accumulate in my head but I quickly wipe it out with my right sleeve which leaves a white stain and this was not part of the plan. I should look immaculate but I have my plan B. I curse under my breath, I tell myself to stay calm. It´s my mission. I gently open the door and peak in, I thank the Lord he´s there. I make my way into the podium as all the people are sitting down looking back and he is still as a mannequin.

“Hey.” He whispers from within the casket.

Come on, this can´t be happening, I turned around try to be calm and tell him “Shut the fuck up, and lay still, dead don´t talk, remember?”.

“Screw you, you better give me the money.” He responds but I ignore his words.

I have to keep my head level headed, this is the time. All my family and friends have come. It took two weeks of preparation and I´m not about to butch up the well rehearsed plan right now. I scan the audience, they are now all sited in the church, I made a little contribution two weeks ago by giving the father two thousand dollars to just let me have this Sunday the whole church for me and for the rest of the audience and go pray with his flock somewhere else. First he said no, then I pulled the one hundred dollar bills out off my pocket, he started crying, thanked me and told me that God be with me. I thank him and surely hoped God will be on my side when the day came. I keep scanning the audience and finally see it. It´s time.

“Thank you all for coming, the priest unfortunately couldn´t come. He suffered a heart attack this morning and died. God is with him, he couldn´t be in a better place.” I see the people gasp and other just look at each other with a contorted face, they can´t comprehend, they can´t believe their ears. But that´s why I took communication classes in Eureka University. So I press on.

“This is a very difficult time for me, thank you all for coming from all around to this small town, I know you´re bussy with your life´s so I truly appreciate you taking the time to mourn with me.” I let  my voice quiver and let out a little single tear come out of my right eye, fuck that thing I put on before on my eye for crying hurts. I scan and she´s crying too. It´s working.

“John was a good man.” I say as I place my hand over the coffin.” Most of you don´t know him” Nobody knows who John is or if the person sitting right next to him knows who he is or not. Nor do I for that matter.But as I expected everyone acts like they knew him, they all nod in unison.

I tell them to pray with me and after the prayer they all walk up to the podium to say one last good by to John. And the tenth person coming is my dear Christina, she´s weeping. She left me about a year ago, said I was not the marrying material and that she wanted to have a family I don´t remember what I responded since I just got back from watching a football game and was pretty much shit face. The next day I woke up and she was gone, but now she´s back. My time to terminate my plan. She hugs me, and says she has missed me and that she´s very sorry for my friend John. I nod and say I´m a strong person, that my life has made a three hundred and sixty degree turn. I´m still me, but a better me I tell her. She smiles and gives me her card with her phone and tells me to call her later on in the day. She kisses me on the lips, good sign. She walks up to the casket.


“What the hell?”

“Mickey, O my God Mickey, what happened!” She´s crying and looking at me. I´m a bit confused.

Out of nowhere the freaking manikin the dude I met yesterday and gave him five hundred dollars in advance to play dead and told him I would give him the other five hundred after the deal was sealed, the bastard jumps out of the coffin, I see old woman starting to faint all around me, an old man is grabbing his chest as if he´s going to have a heart attack.

“Christina!” I love you. This so called Mickey guy says. Christina faints.

Now I´m freaking confused,this is not going as I mapped it out in my head. Not going at all.

My face is turning red now. But I tell myself to keep calm, ” Alleluia!” I yell from the top of my lungs. “I prayed and I saved! It has come true, the miracle has come true.” I walk up to this idiot Mickey, hug him and whisper in his ear that I´ll give him ten grand if he just walks away. He suddenly turns around and starts running though the middle of the aisle of the church screaming “Thank you Charlie, Thank youuuu!!”

People start hugging me, some just lay on the floor unconscious. They tell me I have been sent here by God. Christina wakes up and old people tell her what happened and who I truly was, or better what I had become. She hugs me and tells me she want´s to marry me. I ask her how she knew about the supposedly dead guy, which has almost bankrupt me the bastard. She said she had a fling for him but it was a long time ago. I ask her if it was during while we where together. She just looks down. I know now. What a bitch I think, all this effort and money spent and she was screwing this idiot? I walk out of the Church, lit a cigarette and tell them to screw them all. I have better things to do. So I walk to Jimmy´s bar and order my usual beer.

Look out! Drone in the water.

The Military Could Use Your Help Looking for a Drone It Lost in Lake Ontario – Yahoo News

You can´t make this shit up, the explanation of the Colonel… I just have to smile at what he said. Actually I feel bad for the guy, and the fish in the water too. Going up there swimming maybe they´ll give me a reward if I find it.

Duck Dynasty. Don´t like it? You have issues then.

The Robertson clan, and uncle Si the genius, how can you not like this guy.Uncle Si Robertson “ICY STARE” HILARIOUS DUCK DYNASTY ( 720P HD ) – YouTube

“This snowcone(talking about another guy) is giving me a brain sneeze. It´s when your brain needs to sneeze but it caint cause it a brain, so it just hurts” Si 

“First it´s pretty tires, then it´s pretty guns…next thing you know, you´re shavin your beard and warin capri pants” Si 

“When you don´t know what you´re doing it´s best to do it quickly” Jase

“One time, in Vietnam, I saw a grizzly bear ridin a scooter” Si

“Hey, you want something done right, don´t ask me” Si

“Any animal can get big boys…Hey…once i reached down to pet a little dog and when i did….hey it was a 5 pound squirrel.” Si

(Uncle Si is riding a truck with the niece) Saddie-“Uhhh…didn´t that sign say 35”

Si-“Oh, that´s just a suggestion”

“Hey, can mean anything. It can mean yes, it can mean maybe, it could mean no, it could mean next week. Hey, the bottom line is you have to understand me to understand hey” Si

“There are two kinds of people in this world….the educated and the unducated” Si

“Redneck rule number one, most things can be fixed with duct tap and extension cords” Jase

(Stating how he looks up dressed up) “I´m so dope, I am illegal in 50 states” Si

(They went out `to rough it up in the woods´or camping which for a Vietnam veteran like Si is…girly) “These boys packed so much stuff, Hey, they could survive a zombie, nuclear,a-poca-liss” Si

“Work hard, nap hard. Hey, that´s what I always say Jack” Si

“You can talk any redneck into a challenge. That´s why so many rednecks die in strange ways.” Jase

(Talking to another before he enters parents conference and talk to small kids) ” Last time I dressed up, was in sheep skin on a recon mission in nam”Si

“That man has everything, trucks, jeeps, chairs, pool tables, matresses, RV´s, Tatadere salad, cold water melon, He´s got everything Jack….Hey….sack of oranges” Si

“My top 10 dumbest things I´ve done in my life has all included Si in someway” Jase