Masturbation. The law of the land.

Just woke up, it quarter to six a.m here in Spain and I have nothing to gain and this thought just popped into my head. I don´t know why and how it just did. My mind does function in a unique and wonderful way.

Why the appeal of masturbation?

So here I go with the flow. In the case of some dudes they don´t have to pay for a hooker so it´s free on a personal level. There is also the heavy lifting factor(at least in my case) so you also do a workout. I know you can workout with sex, but if you like to play baseball and baseball is one of Americas greatest games it helps a lot if you masturbate. I tends to increase your batting average. So you are not only doing a pleasurable service to yourself but to your baseball team you belong. All those teenage kids that eventually get scholarships to go and play to the university and then up to the pros….yep, they masturbate at least 4 times a day. And once they reach the pros that average goes up to 6 times a day. And we man do it so all of the American society and the Japanese too, this dudes are also into baseball go figure. Well actually I did figure, they did loose WWII, so they adopted some U.S customs. Anyways, what I´m saying is that millions of people are watching the game that puts money into the league and the players, the league and the players pay millions of taxes which should make the left feel good since they are the 1% and they should pay their fair share plus they also contribute to the economy be spending millions of dollars a year in cars, restaurants,vacations, jewelry and investment in their banks  and I can name a few more but lets analyse these.

Cars, is one of the great  job creators industry. All the million of people that are involved from making the frame of the car, to making tires, making bolts, the gadgets that cars have, e.t.c. all that goes into making a cars are people.

Restaurants, also a great job creating industry with millions of people working in that sector. Plus all the people that make the plates, tables, glasses, forks, knifes and the list goes on.

Jewelry, girls love diamonds. So said Marilyn Monroe in her famous song. And it´s true. So not only are we helping out the jewelry store and also the pawn shops which when you run out of money you give your jewelry to the pawn shop but women are happy.

There will also be probably a decrease of babies which would help with the alarming growth of the U.S population and the more population the more modes of transportation will be used therefore furthering polluting the earth and making global warming worst and pissing of all those environmentalist. Also less rapes will probably happen so woman will be safer and less money spend on jails for these criminals.

What´s the economy all about? Investments, that go round and round ending up in Wall Street, Wall Street keeps the stocks up and the U.S looks good, and is good at least intangible speaking. That is also a deterrent for Americas enemies since a key thing to destroying a country is by destroying it´s economy. There has been blockades against Iran, so they won´t export their oil and that way cripple their economy and if there is no money? There is no military, no military, no defense when the foe comes to invade. So where screwed without masturbation. The U.S would probably be speaking Arabic right now and following sharia law. And the U.S has to be leading not from behind as Mr.O says but just leading, someone eventually will be the top dog on the block and I´d prefer it would be the U.S than communist China or strange Putin.

Also and very important too, it is not a sin in God´s eye´s. If you have sex before marriage it could be a sin but not if you masturbate. So the more you do it the better Christian you are.

So as you can see it all comes together. Masturbation should not be a taboo word but should be embraced as the way us men are saving the world from self destruction.

Just a 5:30 a.m thought.

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.


You´re sex bucketlist.(warning)

I am Doctor Love. Or just girls think of me as fast food. I´m easy to get, tastes´s good for a little while, and easy to dispose off. Anyways, I thought I should share my experiences to my fellow humans. We´re all going to die, so we might as well have some fun while we are still standing up and not lying down in some coffin.

1) Get a handjob in the back of a cop car.

2) Have sex inside an old medieval church with the pastors daughter.(Don´t worry God will forgive you if you pray 10000 times a day)

3) Get a handjob while you are traveling on the train.

4)Get a handjob while you are traveling on the bus.

Numbers three and four is important if you are a guy, that when you´re little white sperms come shooting out of you they don´t end up in the hair or  sleeve of the passenger that´s in front of you obviously not looking. If it does, don´t tell him or her. Bad idea,If they realise, just lie your way out of it. I tried to clean my sperm from the sleeve of an old lady while traveling on a bus, she noticed  something was touching her left arm and she looked back and saw me. I explained to her that I was just swapping a big mean fly that was resting on her arm, she eventually thanked me. Wasn´t my fault though, the girl I was with just started pointing the hose in the wrong direction so she wouldn´t get to messed up. What a selfish girl.

5)On my 18th birthday I had sex on a cement plant and then when we finished I got a blow job in a cave full of bats. Don´t need to be 18, not a requirement.

6) Finger you beloved partner while you are in line for Space mountain at Disneyland. Or just finger her throughout Disneyland while somebody takes a picture of you two next to a big Mickey Mouse puppet.

7) Have sex in a porta-potty.

8) Have anal sex in a cemetary. It has to be anal, it just adds that more creepy weird exciting thing to the mix while on top of a tomb. But spread your sperm on the her or into the grass, not on the tomb. That´s just fucking nasty.

9) Most people won´t experience this but in case you do, if you ever find yourself in a war zone and you are on watch for the night, masturbate to keep yourself awake. Make sure you´re weapon is on the other hand and the safety switch is off.

10) Maturbate while your flying through the air in fighter jet. Call the Blue Angels and let them pull some G forces on you, that will just give you a much more liberating and satisfactory experience.


Have fun and Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.

WARNING: Masturbation is not the name of creation!

Yo! dude, you know what you´re doing? Do you realise it at least? That´s totally but tooootally not the way to go. You´re killing babies here!

When I become the first Spanish-American tanned cool president of the U.S I´m going to outlaw masturbation. It´s a serious issue we have to address as a society. Scratch that shit, as humanity we have to address it. I guess the humanity part of the address will be only for men, sorry woman, you´re exclude…as always from important issues like this.

We as men are shooting those little sperms into the towel, on the floor, some nut job into the closet or the ceiling. Maybe is just me those last two cases. What can I say, women have told me I spray and pray, like a hose watering the flowers. I´m strange. I´m disgusting myself, even making strange faces to myself as I´m writing this. Coming back to the point, no punt intended over there by the way, so that little and in other cases not so little white cream that comes out of our button should go to a better destination, a.k.a vagina.

So when I become the first cool tanned Spanish-American president I´ll pass a law banning masturbation and in that law it will require that every men that has an “urge” at any time, any place and if a woman is next to him, they will be forced to have intercourse with each other. I don´t care how he or she looks like, fat, pimples, bald and maybe if woman you get lucky and have Brad Pitt getting the “urge” when he passes next to you…..well then, have fun.

This is the only way to keep our future going, this is the way for prosperity! So help me God.


P.S. I approve this message.

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses, happy holidays.