I feel like I´m drowning

Mother died today at 3.44 a.m ( I promised to her this was the last post about her
yet is kind of a therapy to tell you the truth)
that´s it.
I don´t feel like drowning but it seemed like a catchy title,
her last wish is not to get down,
so up! and be a mother fucker gunner hunter and bad writer.
Sorry for the curse words mom, but you know me,
very weird not having you to say this to you and you laughing at me….
I know you would say stop this and that but at the end of the day I did make you laugh
with my crazy hazy, last post about you don´t worry.
Love ya to death, and yes mom, it is very weird but this writing in public it seems
for good and bad, some type of yoga for me. You know you had a weird kid,
and she is and was a hooootie! Very good looking woman, she was going to be Mrs. Spain,
and more hooootie! Having raised me by her own since dad was constantly traveling and working,
a hotie inside is what I was going to say, she is trully the personification of good inside and out.
Just a beautiful woman in all the senses. I did put the sheat over your head when father comes,
don´t want him to see you in that face, so we are good to go mom. By the way, how the fuck did I came out
so weird? Only me, but I still remember you laughing at my crazy things I told you, about the girls the parties,
but you do have to give me some credit, I did “church it up” pretty good, but who was I fooling? Nobody,
but you did laugh,
crazy son, how in the world you were able first to raise me and later in life not send me to the pasture?
You are that, my mother.
Told ya woman, the last post, ofcourse I have to write it for the public consumption and as you told me
I will be smarter to get some money out of this shit.

mammas boy

Yes sirs and women,
I´m a mammas boy,
who women want to have sex with me and then destroy,
you evil………hummmm……
what a turn by the way, I say hey, I really started by trying to write seriously,
but is not seem to came to the reader obviously.
Trust me I have been through the wringer,
I will give you the middle finger,
but,
there goes mamma,
she wasn´t there always ,
since in her eyes and the rest of rational people,
is something i was not wise and try to pull off a fictional disguise.

Now, at age 36, shuuuush! When I try to pick up a girl I say I´m 26,
what a head mix, I don´t even know how old I am.

She just gave me today food, and it was really good.
She has cancer and in this case the roles are reverse,
quite a nice verse,
she is not in the best physical shape obviously
and is also obviously that she might end up deadly,
just the truth,
one thing here I will say, just a mommas boy, love her to death,
and when I say something like that it is the real truth. Got bullets in me
since I chose a military job.

Do not even think that mammas boy will not take up
her legacy, her job of helping others who deserve it, her compassion,her love of life,
her love of laughter, her love for me, she is truly a great and great woman.

Look at her, plus she was sexy! Still is, don´t want to get into trouble, she is probably
the person that I fear most. Look!

second from your left,gorgeous woman, intelligent, she did have a son
that is a fuck head, but I always say that at least I know how to write in my self tought
english, that´s my plus otherwise…..

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.

what do you want to be remember for?

The answer to that question is being a good son, good person.

Those who have read about my little crazy life maybe know a bit,
been in the Spanish Legion wich I´m sure now that it was something
that my mother hated or was afraid probably more than me when I was deployed,
after that part I became a drunk, homeless, ended in prison, numerous times
to the hospital wich if I didn´t die in the army I was also quite close
to die in the civilian world because of the drinking.

Now It is my time to take care of this person, my mother.
She has cancer and I felt strange when I saw her after the doctors
removed the cancer and now that she is at home I´m her rock,
my father of course is there, but he does have to work aaaaalot to
pay for the bills. Great man, what he has done to provide for the best doctors
and him also helping at home is quite a different father that I knew. So is quite strange for me, and I´m 35….
but to see my mother so weak and me taking care of her, well,
that is what we are going to do.

So in my life as a fuck up, when I die, that is what to be remembered for,
a caring son. No drinking no nothing, I go to her and apart from taking care
of her home wich if I don´t cut the grass or trim this little trees, well,
she loves her garden, and her house clean, so there I am,
when I go to do some chores she will say ¨Carlos, stay here with me¨,
I never heard that, and me, as I am, always with dummy stories wich she laughs,
but I have to ¨church them up¨(ya knoooow! just twist all the real bad things into something funny)
and that makes my heart a bit more full. She is a woman that she can´t stay still,
she always was in the garden or just moving somethings around the house, now she
has to rest in bed or in the sofa, and there I am with her from Monday to Friday,
now that I noticed it sounds like I´m writing like I´m this great person…… No,
but mom is mom, she´ll pull out of it.

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.

P.S. Live day to day like it was your last day.

I don’t run away

As many people who read me have figured out, well, I’m just weird.
My mother is not in great health.
And there is when I come in, I’m usually a fuck up when things go well,
I get into fights, drink, I do have anger issues.
But, I found this while my time in the army that when the shit hits the fan
I’m calm and focus( I stay Frosty),and if I have to walk to the North Pole and back that is
what I will do. No drinking no nothing, just thinking of the welfare of those
who need my help. Specially being my mother. So went to the hospital with her,
back to her house to be with her beloved dog and feed the dog, back to my rent
shitty room to pay rent and do some errands my mother needed to do in the town,
and clean the house wich is a pretty big one by the way is not like cleaning my
shitty room I rent. And when talking to her always calm, my father gets more annoyed
so she prefers in this cases only, that I be around plus even as a fuck up I end up
making her laugh, and laughter is one cure, plus since she can’t walk too much obviously
take care of whatever she wants while she is lying down.
Now I’m back at my mother’s house. I thought the doctors where going to tell her
to stay in the hospital bed, just got the call that she is coming home so that is
good news.
That is a strange dichotomy of me, I’m usually a fuck up and when things get hard
I stay Frosty.

So Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.

fearless

This goes for you mom……
I was dumb
Being fearless
Is not my stress
I cause stress
Unfortunately on your behest
But you do know your son
Like it or not you still love the “kid”song
I’m just writing out of my head as it comes
And you read this as it was the grams…grammie? Or just gran? Yo weird.

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.