How do I steal

She stole my ball,
it is a her by the way
fuckers want it your way
it does not happen
right now is almost 1.30 a.m in spain
here goes the game.

It is Saturday right,
you pick up the most drunk as a skunk,

preferably and get all his fucking money,
even he will give you voluntariously his credit card
if you play it just con the guy by different ways

the others are drunk girls, yes women,
so look out for them, the steal guys i mean
you dumb pim pim

and there is literally brute force to be forced upon a human
to get his wallet or give you his ¨pin¨ number, not so sorry for your husband
that´s it, no regrets, police i don´t give a shit, you bitch,
they already have a history on me
so now…. time to go to work.
think i´ll see you you you you alligator

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.

P.S. Fuck, I was getting bored writing in the blog, not really,
until I got the call, I have to make the money for the end of this month
so you can judge.

I’m filthy rich!!!

The phone rings and is a strange number. I hesitate for a second but I pick it up.


“Good morning is this Charly Priest?”

“Yes who is this?”

“I’m Silvia calling from your bank.”

Now I’m thinking that this is not good, IRS letters, Social Security letters or calls
from either of them is not good, banks included. She keeps on going.

“You know your ID has expired last year?”

Holy shit, they’re going to shut my account down.

“Yes, but later this month I will renovate it.”

“Good, bring it to us so we can update. I will also like to tell you that we are
offering 4.000 plus $ as a credit to be paid in four years.”

Holy shit, 4.000$ plus dollars!!!! Shit for me this is being rich. So I tell her I’ll think
about it and we’ll talk. I immediately call my reliable accountant….my dog.

She reminds me that the bank that I have opened the account in the heads of the
bank are in jail for fraud, basically taking our money for their filthy pockets. I say yes,so what is
the catch then? I ask myself. Is there going to be such a high interest payment? Like a mob tax that you
can never really pay all of it and they have you by the balls?

Anyways I got to this conclusion, I get my ID renovated at the end of the month,
not as easy as you would think,here in Spain you call the police and they will give you a 3 to 4 months
waiting time. So I do that, then I go to the bank, sign the papers get the money, all of it,
leave the account with one dollar left, take a plane to some exotic iceland where 4.000$ dollars goes a long way
and if the police starts looking for me I’m in an exotic island that has no extradition.
I still have to refine a bit more the plan but that is basically the fundamentals.
In a couple of weeks I’m gonna be sipping margarita in some freaking island.

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.

Smiling this week

Another uplifting prompt by:

Probably my smiling is quite different from others. Actually I do know is different
from other people in wordpress. Finally got hold of my court appointed attorney
which wasn´t that easy since this is a case that happened 5 years ago and on 20015
I received a notification that on March of this year I should appear
in court for the trial.

Finally after days running around, waiting here and there with the best of each house,
if you can imagine if your walking around government buildings where criminal trials
are being held, you don´t find nuns.

So I got hold of this guy, my lawyer, he actually called me after I spend almost a week
trying to get hold of him leaving dozens of messages. I got several things going for
me, one and most important is that I won´t go to jail so my life won´t be on hold for
6 months. The prosecution has asked between 1-3 years for attempting to break into
a liquor store late at night. Except they forgot it was “attempting” since I got caught
not even having entered the shop, so that´s a mitigating factor on my side ,so kind of ironic,
you´re a bad thief, since a good one would have prepared it quite better except I was
off my rockers back then and living on the streets, so fucking up a robbery not getting
caught with anything of value except semin broken glasses, that works on my favor. For
the ammount of time the prosecution is asking since according to my lawyer he hadn´t seen
anything like that from a prosecutor(1-3 years) for such “a small thing” as he put it.

Second I don´t have any previous felonies,that are in that category of robbery.

Third, the other guy I was with. Since he probably won´t be present at trial and he
is a marrocan, the judge most likely say it´s a mistrial, put out a warrant for his arrest
and he´s deported back to Africa. Thing is since this guy I do know he has
quite a few previous felonies he knows they´ll deport him so having known that guy I´m sure
he won´t volunteer for deportation, just ain´t happening. So the trial will be put on
hold until he is caught doing some other criminal activity or after 3 years if he has
already fled to Marroco(wich I doubt) prisons here are a 5 star hotel compared to those,
and after those 3 years are and he is not caught the crime is expired so no prosecution
and all charges are dropped. The most it could happen is that I will have to pay almost 300 dollars for
the broken glass. And I won´t even have a that felony on my police record. The other ones
are misdemeanor for fighting, except for one that the other guy ended up in the hospital
and this other guy is no priest I should add. It was either him or me, so he got the worst.

So since the date I´m going to appear on court is the same day of my mothers birthday, yep,
not kidding. I actually told my attorney to tell the prosecutor that, and to put the trial on
hold for the next day, to wich we both laughed. Cool guy and competent guy by the way this attorney.
So I´ll go to the trial, say when asked by the judge how do I declare myself “guilty”.
And by then my attorney would have worked out pretty much all those things with the judge,
which he says it´s a friendly one. You can´t be always too sure of these things,
but it´s going to be either a mistrial and wait for the other idiot to get caught,
or in this case I´m rooting for him to not get caught since that would
mean I woul´dn´t have that in my police record,plus the fine,only a civil not criminal fine.
But no jail time, so my life will not be on hold. Normally if they ask between 1-3 years,
you do spend 6 months inside the Big House.

So a reason to smile, as fucked up as it might seem for the rest of readers for me this
week after traveling all around Madrid going to this office that one over there, this
court this other one. Finally got things figured out. Now no worries no hurries. No jail time
wich is the iportant thing. Another irony, if they catch you pissing in the street the police
will send it to the local government and they will fine you 751 dollars in my case. And if you
commit a failed robbery for being an incompetent thief I pay 300 dollars as a fine.
So go and figure that one out.

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.