My bucket list accomplished!

Lately  or maybe not so lately I see quite a lot of blogs which the people have their “bucket list”, the things they want to do. So I decided to instead of having a things I want to do, I´ll do a bucketlist of things that I´ve done that I  wanted to do and did.

-Study in the U.S, check. Did my highschool years there and a fruitful but brief sting in the university. A year an a half with a scholarship for English Literature. Hell, and I´m Spanish. Go figure a Spaniard studying English Lit.

-Have sex with an American girl, check. I thought she would be blond, blue eyes, be the prom queen, you know just like in the movies I saw back home in my small town, screwed up town of Spain. She eventually, well she looked like a troll really but what the hell. I did it, she was American.

-Live in a paradise island, check. I lived in Palma de Mallorca a beautiful island that is in the Mediterranean sea, beautiful beaches, girls, beautiful mountains, and this after I returned home from the U.S at age 19 and my parents basically disowned me for fucking up the scholarship. But I was young a full of energy.

-I´ve had a lot of jobs during my life, and most of them all had been manual type of jobs excluding the time I worked as a bell boy and then receptionist but one that I always wanted to do after I saw the movie “cocktail” by Tom Cruise was to work in a bar, check. Not really, I got there with very little money, had a friend that knew a guy that had worked in this bar next to the beach so he put a word in for me since I was literally with a couple of hundred dollars in my pocket and I got the job. And what a job that was. Man o maaaan, the women!

-Have sex with girls from different nationalities, specially Asian. check. I was quite the Romeo, not that I´m that old now I´m 31 but back then…weeehaaa. It was paradise, plus since I knew the owners of the clubs and I knew the door men, I had a science applied to picking up chicks. I actually think I did some mathematical equations so everything would be on mark and if I had jump to plan B, plan B was already waiting.

-Get out of control with booze. check. Always been a drinker. Actually in Spain is not, at least when I was growing up,now things have changed. But at my age, at 11 it wasn´t abnormal to toast with a little wine in my glass on some special occasions with the rest of the family members and friends of the family. Eventually it did get out of control.

-Be a smoker, check. Smoked my first cigarette at age 10 and by age 13 I was smoking 2 or 3 cigarettes a day regularly. Now I´ve jumped to a pack a day, but have reduced this from almost two packs a day.

-Join the army, check. It was never planned, I was getting out of control with the booze I was getting a bit bored of the same routine going to work as a recepcionist, had two friends back in the U.S that had joined the Marines after the attacks of September the 11 2001. So one day coming from work, I stumble upon a van that had written on the side “Ejercito de tierra” which to the Americans is just army. They had a cool t.v outside with tough looking guys fast roping off helicopters, shooting guns, the uniform looked cool with all the gear on it. It was a steady pay, I would get a bit of adrenaline, which I needed and surely it wasn´t going to be all that tough or routine the army. Just show up, shoot guns and then go back to sleep. Easy, just like Rambo. Got that one wrong.

-Getting deployed, check. First deployed to Iraq just 4 months since I first entered the army. Actually joined my unit there. Or the rest or my unit. All that cool gear, or at least what I thought look cool now it was a pain in the ass. Or I should say a pain in the back. Still have back problems from that period of my life. Let alone the living conditions in that fucked up place and worst was Afghanistan, that was real shit. Yet again I was in the Spanish Legion, picked the toughest unit my Spanish had, since if I was going into this I wanted to be with the best. So let alone being shot at or blown up, just living conditions, heat, cold, food and water depravation, but we did get a bonus of 3,000$ in Afghanishit, since they actually asked for volunteers to go there. And since I had been previously been deployed I thought I knew more than the rest of my platoon, they all wanted to go, everybody want´s to go when you train day in and day out for this. The analogy would be like a guy studying Literature, reading a lot, and never get a chance to actually write? That would be frustrating for writers right? So basically the same in my case. With some twitches here and there.

-Blow all your savings, check. After 4 years and a half I did get out of the army with quite a lot of dough, you do the math if I was deployed for 7 months in Afghanishit with 3,000$ a month, weehaaa. What do you do when you return from those places and then decide to get out of that institution. Spend like crazy.

-Be homeless, check. Great ways to do sight seeing of the city parks.

-Steel, check. Had to at the time to pay for my addiction to alcohol and basically some money with the whore i was with at the time.

-Go to jail, check. Like a hotel, food and board included.

-Almost die, check. Survived the army experience, which others guys didn´t and now I was lying in the ICU in “shock”, diagnosis, severe pancreatitis. Still fucked up with that thing. Spend 18 days in ICU and plus a month and ten day in general hospital. So almost two months wearing blue hospital clothes.

-Return to having a real relationship with my parents, check. They did find out I was in the hospital,sort of drop off the grid after army days, I didn´t call but seems the doctors took my i.d, and eventually the other two names listed there as my closest relatives well they where my parents so they contact them.

-Return to my old childhood home, check. Where do you think I´m writing this from? Yep, with my mother in the other room and one of my dogs farting right next to me as I write this. It´s peaceful I´ll tell you that. Living in the middle of nowhere where there are only cows and bulls outside my door, birds humming early in the morning, a bit isolated though.

-Not being broke, check The government has decided to give me a check for disability because first of my health issues and second because they saw I had been over two years without working. So there you go.Not broke anymore.

-Renting an apartment. check . Moving in October to my new apartment, 250$ a month and in Spain they call it with rent to buy. So I sign  a contract, put some much more money in advance and then pay the 250$ a month and it will be mine.

– Have my own laptop, check. Have finally bought it, 800$ the son of a b…ch. But here he is standing.

-Return to writing, check. A bad writer but we´re having fun with this thing, plus this wordpress thing, my free online university.

So mission accomplished, my bucket list done. Now I´ll start to make one for the future that looks brighter.

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.

 

10 Things that give me brain sneeze.

The earth, round and majestic the kingdom of God. But there are days that I get brain sneeze from practically everything and anybody in this kingdom of the Lord.

1-Mother why in the world will you be running around the kitchen with a piece of cloth swinging it in every direction as a mad woman trying to hit the damn flies?!! Jesus, buy some of that killing spray and spray it in the general direction thereby preventing me from getting dazed by one of your un human swings that tend to end up hitting my head.

2-Woman, why the hell are you so complicated. This girl gave me her number, I didn´t force her. I called today and noooo, she can´t go out this Sunday, she will call me she says. So she says. She says bull sh…t. I´m gonna become gay. Go fags! Woman should be second class citizens, just sweep and clean and get a bean so we MAN can eat healthy, add a burger too.

3-Why do I get pancreatitis and I´m walking around with a freaking tube protruding from my stomach all the way into a little bag I have attached to the end of the fucking tube. It looks strange, I look strange, I look sick like a junkie. Fuck me.

4-Why the hell does my next door neighbour dog starts always barking at 4 a.m? What a bastard, just stop it and let me sleep since that´s the time I normally go to sleep, fucking asshole.

5-Can´t it be legal to kill some people that piss you off? There are a lot of us in this planet, who cares if I get rid off a couple or dozen.

6- Why don´t I fuck more, I use to be quite the fucker, I was good at picking up girls. I lost my freaking mojo. Fuck me.

7-Why don´t I get published. I´m the new Shakespeare in town. Fuck the publishers.

8-I´m tired of the stupid Spanish t.v programs, their soap operas and they last for the hole evening and late night. What´s wrong with my country? Fuck the Spanish t.v.

9-Why don´t I have enough money to buy a a computer that won´t take 2 years to load each page, why did the government fucked up so bad that we are at 27,2% unemployment and that´s the official number they put out go figure what´s the unofficial one, guarantee it´s higher. Fuck my Mackingtosh and the government.

10-America, or Mr. O bama, wama paronama. Just bomb the shit out of Hassan or whatever the hell his name is out there in Siria. If the Iranian´s get a little cookie about it, bomb them too. As a matter of fact Just carpet bomb the whole Mesopotamia who cares. They can´t seem to get their act together. They´re either bombing the infidel of the western modern world or their chopping each head´s off. Fuck´em.  I´ll re enlist back into the army at age 30, with a fucked up back, pancreatitis, tube protruding from my stomach. Won´t even need a rifle this time,I´ll just hit them with psychological warfare when they see me. I´ll hit them in the head with my little tube. What´s wrong with these people?Fuck me.

Yo! I´m waiting.

Sitting down and waiting for freaking five hours! Pissed off. I just sit and wait for that angels  voice to come to live through the intercom. It´s actually getting annoying though. Every 5 minutes comes out a high pitch voice announcing a name. The name stands up, I look, I curse under my breath and watch silently as that name enters the doctor´s office so that she can tell you how good the blood samples they took at eight in the morning are going, good or bad.

I´m the “companion” person as they say here in Spain. So I just sit and wait at least with 50 other people all cramp up elbow to elbow, one line of chairs after the other, one line looking north the other one looking south. And since it´s a hospital, well not the healthy go there, so I´ve been staring at a fat old lady with gangrene on her right leg for the past five hours. Hope they cut her leg out, I´ll volunteer to do it. Anything, to get that fucked up leg from my face and the odor is great by the way. Sitting here with my gay uncle at  my side which he stands out like a whore in a 16 year old prom dance. But the bastard is still alive.  He looks like a skeleton though but his  mind seems to be right since he´s back to himself bitching about anything and everyone every five minutes. I just curse under my breath.

Fuck me. And fuck  the great universal health care system the socialist put in place.You´ll certainly get treated, yep,, but poorly I´ll tell you that much. I overheard a nurse that “something” happened to the blood samples, what that “something” is , is anybody´s guess. So fuck it, I just sit and wait along with 50 other fucked up people and hear my uncle bitch about each and every one of them, “Look at tha girl over there, she´s eating a sandwich, you can´t eat a sandwich in the hospital.” And that like line I´ve hard over around 46 as of now. So just sit, and wait and curse to myself. And finally I get fed up with all this shit and yell… Yo, I waiting here!

Got nominated again. How the hell does that happen?

I have to thank  Jane Dougherty Writes,  for the nomination of 2013 Nominees-best performance by a blogger on Kendall F. Person, …thepublicblogger.com/

“There belies a level of brilliance in not understanding, we are telling a story, even in a blog considered a rant. But writers cannot hide, and all eventually realize, that words should inspire, and the rants are  just part of the show.  From the blog Crazy Life the nominated post is Remember me? Screw that.”

And that is what she had to say.

So I´m actually brilliant! And I don´t even know it. How the hell does this happen, got two nominations in I think in a two week period. And you know what? I don´t even know how this works.  The nomination process I mean. If somebody can tell me I´ll be grateful. Can anybody nominate? Do they nominate on a certain blog? I have no clue.

I hope they give me a trophy though, a gold trophy.

Now that I think about it I think is better that it is not gold because I´ll probably sell it…and then use the money to stuff myself with a big ass burger and fries, and ketchup, huuummm man do I love that, and my cholesterol through the roof. So that´s that, thank the people again for the nomination and thank the people that read me. Who would´ve thought that when I started with this blog thing 6 months ago people would actually read some of my crazy writing, and I don´t even write that good compared to others, compared to the people that I follow and that they follow me.

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.

Remember me? Screw that.

I have a quote, actually I have a lot of quotes. I walk around with a little notebook not only inside the house so I can write ideas, words, quotes,phrases that I read or see on t.v, I also walk around the street with that white notebook that is now looking to be more of a yellowish colour. I´ll probably end up getting fed up with it and use it as toilet paper. But the thing about the magic notebook is the quotes. And here is one said by a very smart man that I have no idea what his name is.

“A man lives one life but history will remember him forever.” You know what I say to this, fuckweesel(and this word is courtesy of a fellow blogger, pretty cool word in my dictionary.)

Yes I´ll live once, yes some people will remember me  when I´m playing cards, smoking and drinking with the MAN upstairs. Problem is I don´t give a shit about the second part. I don´t want to be remembered when I´m gone. I want to matter while I´m still in this earth, while I´m doing whatever the fuck I´m doing which I´m not quite sure where I´m heading. Not because I don´t know what I want, it´s more of a health problem. If my body fucks with me, I have to put everything on hold and spend a couple of weeks at the very least in a white hospital bed, white walls, blue pijamas, and that´s fucking depressing. Although I´ve already assimilate it, don´t think about it just live day by day as best as I can or as best as my body lets me. At the end of the day it is my fault for drinking like drunken sailor not only on leave but on the ship too.

I know the word tomorrow is an elusive word for me, because you never know with this pancreatitis thing. So if tomorrow I´m out, I´ve checked out early and go see the MAN, that is if he wants me. Maybe the bastard looks at me and says “Screw this, you going back down…to hell.” There´s that possibility.

So screw it. History is not going to remember me. I didn´t invent a lightbulb, said the word Eureka, haven´t started wars(although I did fight in two),haven´t invented the i-pad, or internet. So no, history will not remember me, only few  people will remember me and I hope that for their sake the remembering part doesn´t last to long. Fuck that, I wouldn´t want to remember myself. I´ve dropped out of college, I joined the army and been to war(strangely enough those where the best days of my life, go figure) As a good friend blogger has said, I´m a man whore. I´ve fucked everything in sight, I smoke too much, I´m a drunk, I´m a cripple, I´m 31 and broke, living in the basement of my parents house, can´t buy books in Amazon because I don´t have a fucking credit card, I´ve been arrested and in jail, so technically I´m a criminal although I don´t see myself as one of them but I did pretty bad things, and that´s in part why I don´t have a bank account cause I don´t know if the government one day will come across one of my pending cases and get the little money I have or sent me to prison. I can´t go back to the army now I´m not 20 years old, what can I do, only what you are reading. Writing is what I can do, and I ain´t to good at it.

So after all this shit I laid down what do I want to be remembered now, today? I woke up early at 7 a.m I fed my farting pissing shitting mother´s dogs, I cleaned their shits in the garden, I red about writing techniques, I wrote little short story which I always keep them stored away in the hard drive of my crusty friend Mackintosh to send them out, which I have with no success. But I´m not giving up, not today. And if tomorrow comes I still won´t give up. The hole country is broke, 27% unemployment so a steady paying job goes out the window but my parents are here, my mother is here, we have an ironic-dark sense of humour and we fuck around with each other and we make each other laugh, I don´t want to go back with the group of so called friends to do the same screwed up things I did. I´m working in on my writing, I´m focusing my energies in this endeavour and not on trying to fuck this girl, or do some screwed up illegal  thing. I´m a veteran, what a veteran hu? I´m a hero right, as a girl said to me when I was in a bar trying to pick her up, fuck hero. Only people who never been there use that word. I´m happy, I´m sober, I can wake up early without a hangover, have a cup of coffe while I take in the smells of the flowers, see the sunrise. I mean really see it, take it in, take in the breeze on my face, happy me happy family.

So today, this is what I want to be remembered for.