Stuck with a corpse

I have seen death before, and violent ones,
never struck me my mother would be part
of this tragic art.
I had my mind so prepared for this that I don´t cry.
I have been since Monday seeing her deteriorate and I´m not irrate,
it was exactly how I focused it in my mind for months, yet I don´t know why,
I do know why really, long story, but I´m the one in the family stuck seeing here
hour after hour hour after hour day plus day her deterioration to death,
Today I had to take a breath,
Got drunk.
If she is already uncoscious, she is going into a comma, I don´t even know if she is already in
the comma, doctors options told me and my father (we are only two left in the family)
that they could extend it for a week or so, but what kind of life is she having?
None, I see her in bed and detach myself, and consider this is the woman that raised me and
even at my age of 30 ´s I would everyday call her and tell her my crazy things for
her to laugh at me…. which I loved, I´m just the dummy. Yet at the same time when
the shit hits the fan, I´m the one stuck with her, and at this point I don´t know why,
she is unconscious, she looks like a corpse, and I lied before, I just cried while talking
to a hot nurse. She was too nice I think that was why the nurse made me cry, I don´t need
nice shit, I have to be detached if not I can´t function.
And I´m sleeping next to my mother knowing that I have no clue when she is going to stop breathing.
She put up with me for too many years(not always) but most of them, although if you think
about it, is kind of freaky seeing a corpse but for now breathes, and I don´t know if she
will stop breathing in half an hour, hour, tomorrow, nobody fucking knows. And me just standing
by to give the O.K for the people to take her to rest out of this fucking hospital. Fuck.

The nurse told me that having this song would in her subconscious would register… not sure about that
she liked the series and the music so I put it up in the computer to see if there is a reaction from her
no, no reaction, my guess is the hot nurse told me so to make me feel better, that is probably she
made me cry like a bitch, don´t need nice now. I do have to be detached. Fucking weird, yet it is life right?
Mother lived a great life, I´m the black sheep, yet I´m the one day after day, minute after minute in
a freaking hospital room trying to figure out if she is breathing constantly or not so constantly and the rest…
Just life. I would give right now everything for me to be dead rather than her. I know me, that is truth.
Just got to move forward, no other choice. This is the song she likes, I did introduce it to her though,
she likes the gangster things of that period plus the music. Just playing it over and over.

(I do realize in this situation the clip is kind of weird, yet is me and my family, fuck I need a cigarette)

Stage IV cancer

Three and a half years since mother was diagnosed
It was a hard punch in the nose
Back in the hospital again
Only difference she won´t walk out this time
I sit next to her all day and watch her decline
Talk to father he has to move his own things making life keep going for him-
My mothers wishes for him within
And I´m watching a corpse pretty much
My head has wrapped around the idea such
She rarely has her lucid moments
Today it briefly happened they were my omens
Not easy to watch your mother becomming a cadavre slowy
Yet surely
But I´m unable to cry

Got internet now in the hospital so read ya´ll later you innovator.

I had a great poem

Ever happen to you that you read what you write and think is great in all forms?
Anyways I do,
(Try to follow or I try)
Just finished talking with mother again, so she seems sound in the brain,
which I don´t know if it´s worst to be sound in the brain at those stages,
I do know she will laugh with me….at me
and she actually makes others happier and not only talking about me, nor father,
won´t think too much because it is depressing, yet
In her situation, that is a true hero. Mother.

I did have a good poem…..

Holocaust story

I´m watching too many Youtube videos….. Apart from the tragedies the man in
the video terrible circumstances (to say the least) he did say something
at the end that he beat Hitler since he is alive today and Hitler is not.
Can go with the Corona “thing”. It also reminded me which I completely forgot,
I was in Queens New York, in a friends apartment. Going in the elevator and an
old lady with me put her hand up and there was the “tattoo” with the numbers
when she was in a concentration camp. I don´t remember exactly how we got into
a conversation and why she showed that number, still in her forearm that the Nazis
gave her. (Apart from other atrocities)
The moral of the story- incredible strong individuals that get pass everything
and never forget. History tends to repeat itself again and again.

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.


This is like the army days,
high stress
then decompress.
Just talking to mom(see how her voice and brain works)
Conclusion, no calling without my father saying call,
do a recall.
I then have to not focus on that, by the way why army days?
Made that metaphore… There just one single focus, the rest is nothing.
Blin Bling and I kiss my own ring.
Sit… Wait… But have to un-focus, if not you go a bit nutty.


Qite the title that one, yet is true and I don´t see blue.
3 days ago I call my mother, she doesn´t pick up, I call father…
He picks up. Tells me my mother is in ICU. She does has terminal cancer
But 3 days ago it really hit me(He could have told me before). Writting it now, quite frustrating
to not be able to see her( I had been in that hospital numerous of times)
and take care of her. Believe it or not I´m pretty good at keeping the calm
and making her laugh… at me that is, but I know she is good to go.
Not this time, my mother doesn´t even want the cell phone so I can´t communicate
obviously. I can´t show up in the hospital. I don´t know really, better to
switch off and watch a porn. Nothing I can do. We knew this day was coming,
no crying with dad, that is a no no in my family but my guess is that mother would
like to see I didn´t go off the cliff completely. JUst a weird thought, might ass well
get into learning, really learning how to write.

Have a great day gents and gentesses.


I´m living in the 21st century
This Sunday morning took my doses of mercury
It didn’t make me ill
It gave me greater will
fucking Christ this is not easy
got to do it, no other way around it
coward I would be if I didn’t keep it together
i don’t know why in these bad situation I gain power
The head thinks straight, calm, cool, collected-Staying Frosty
With all the sudden nasty

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.

made peace with death

A long time ago I made peace with death. I don´t want to kill but I know,
the other people are going for my death. They,
can achive that purpose,but
I will defend me, ending his or hisees (that was plural) life.
I have to bee a mental thoughness?
Talking about ME…ME… what about my loved ones?
I choose this way of life which obviously includes the people around me,
to put myself in harmful situations yet I can handle it mentally,
not so much physically the directions…
Predictions? only with abreviations

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.