Stuck with a corpse

I have seen death before, and violent ones,
never struck me my mother would be part
of this tragic art.
I had my mind so prepared for this that I don´t cry.
I have been since Monday seeing her deteriorate and I´m not irrate,
it was exactly how I focused it in my mind for months, yet I don´t know why,
I do know why really, long story, but I´m the one in the family stuck seeing here
hour after hour hour after hour day plus day her deterioration to death,
Today I had to take a breath,
Got drunk.
If she is already uncoscious, she is going into a comma, I don´t even know if she is already in
the comma, doctors options told me and my father (we are only two left in the family)
that they could extend it for a week or so, but what kind of life is she having?
None, I see her in bed and detach myself, and consider this is the woman that raised me and
even at my age of 30 ´s I would everyday call her and tell her my crazy things for
her to laugh at me…. which I loved, I´m just the dummy. Yet at the same time when
the shit hits the fan, I´m the one stuck with her, and at this point I don´t know why,
she is unconscious, she looks like a corpse, and I lied before, I just cried while talking
to a hot nurse. She was too nice I think that was why the nurse made me cry, I don´t need
nice shit, I have to be detached if not I can´t function.
And I´m sleeping next to my mother knowing that I have no clue when she is going to stop breathing.
She put up with me for too many years(not always) but most of them, although if you think
about it, is kind of freaky seeing a corpse but for now breathes, and I don´t know if she
will stop breathing in half an hour, hour, tomorrow, nobody fucking knows. And me just standing
by to give the O.K for the people to take her to rest out of this fucking hospital. Fuck.

The nurse told me that having this song would in her subconscious would register… not sure about that
she liked the series and the music so I put it up in the computer to see if there is a reaction from her
no, no reaction, my guess is the hot nurse told me so to make me feel better, that is probably she
made me cry like a bitch, don´t need nice now. I do have to be detached. Fucking weird, yet it is life right?
Mother lived a great life, I´m the black sheep, yet I´m the one day after day, minute after minute in
a freaking hospital room trying to figure out if she is breathing constantly or not so constantly and the rest…
Just life. I would give right now everything for me to be dead rather than her. I know me, that is truth.
Just got to move forward, no other choice. This is the song she likes, I did introduce it to her though,
she likes the gangster things of that period plus the music. Just playing it over and over.

(I do realize in this situation the clip is kind of weird, yet is me and my family, fuck I need a cigarette)

Stage IV cancer

Three and a half years since mother was diagnosed
It was a hard punch in the nose
Back in the hospital again
Only difference she won´t walk out this time
I sit next to her all day and watch her decline
Talk to father he has to move his own things making life keep going for him-
My mothers wishes for him within
And I´m watching a corpse pretty much
My head has wrapped around the idea such
She rarely has her lucid moments
Today it briefly happened they were my omens
Not easy to watch your mother becomming a cadavre slowy
Yet surely
But I´m unable to cry

Got internet now in the hospital so read ya´ll later you innovator.


Qite the title that one, yet is true and I don´t see blue.
3 days ago I call my mother, she doesn´t pick up, I call father…
He picks up. Tells me my mother is in ICU. She does has terminal cancer
But 3 days ago it really hit me(He could have told me before). Writting it now, quite frustrating
to not be able to see her( I had been in that hospital numerous of times)
and take care of her. Believe it or not I´m pretty good at keeping the calm
and making her laugh… at me that is, but I know she is good to go.
Not this time, my mother doesn´t even want the cell phone so I can´t communicate
obviously. I can´t show up in the hospital. I don´t know really, better to
switch off and watch a porn. Nothing I can do. We knew this day was coming,
no crying with dad, that is a no no in my family but my guess is that mother would
like to see I didn´t go off the cliff completely. JUst a weird thought, might ass well
get into learning, really learning how to write.

Have a great day gents and gentesses.

Love you with no tears

That is my mother, sheeee hot!
I was talking to her one hour ago (she suffers from terminal cancer)
And me the dummy trying in my mind to make her laugh, she started caughing and hanged up.
Not a good sign obviously. Still waiting for a call.
I cried, then I thought to myself “what the fuck is crying going to help?”
Nothing. Or calling her… Nothing. It is getting me pissed off, she is mom.
I guess my point is that I have never seen a stronger woman, so forget about the small shit.
Just small it is, they say this or that about you here there.. Fuck that.
Familly is first.
At the same time have to disconnect, for my own mental health, disconnect of what might be happening
now. I have to be sober and let the things fall wherever they might fall but I have confidence
in my father that he´ll take care of her better than other person in the world.

Fucking knew this was gonna happen when you least expected.. fuckin knew it

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.


In the first floor
You open a new door
Skinny people want answer

White walls
White “capes” of the doctors
White answers they provide
White is the paper they cannot decide
White there´s nothing written no answer given

Hospital it fights
The cancer criminal
But there is an uncertainty
And that is mentally taxing not so subliminal

Hospital is the second home of some
Yet it is a necessary crumb
I feel like punching that idiot
But that won’t solve this period.

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.


I´m living in the 21st century
This Sunday morning took my doses of mercury
It didn’t make me ill
It gave me greater will
fucking Christ this is not easy
got to do it, no other way around it
coward I would be if I didn’t keep it together
i don’t know why in these bad situation I gain power
The head thinks straight, calm, cool, collected-Staying Frosty
With all the sudden nasty

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.


I have this unstable process….
I go back to the shit town with the criminals
and I fall for it, that, the other, and become a bitch brother.
I stay in bed reading, not much to do there if it´s not good things.
Yet again, I´ll remain just sayin-my choice.
I get a call this morning, my mother. She is in the last stages of cancer.
Yesterday, she was vomiting. Not good. Me in bed feeling sorry for myself
because I went back to alcohol and drugs…hear? Feeling sorry for myself.
I get the call next day, put that in a shelf, jump out of bed, call the taxi.
I can feel the shift in my mentality, this is my important and sad reality.
Do I cry? No. Does my mind goes in a state of relaxation? Yes.
Weird that it is relaxed right? That is how it works if not I fuck up,
relax, get back to mothers house while talking with the taxi driver and
nudging her to speed up a bit by the way, either that or I my highway.
See mom, and with a smile on the face I tell her that my pants are clean.
She laughs, I know the seriousness but what good is it to be in crying-ess.

I go to 0-100, does not serve well in the overall life scheme, but in this situation
in any situation that death is involved, you better have a 100 percent not pussy cat
near you. And that is the only thing I know about me for real.

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.

the words of the grand priest

Here I am smoking my cigarettes, living in a house with criminalists.
And here we go to embarass myself:
One- I´ll read you but not today… or maybe, so you should feel thankfull.
Two- I was supposed to see my mother in the hospital today,but I´m drunk and high
so is not a good idea, and she is pissed off, I am ashamed, alcoholism is
degrading for me and most important for the people surrounding me.
Three- We all know life is not fair, just get over it.
Four- I have no clue how my mental state works. I go from 0 to 100,
there is no in-between. I will save your life literatlly, it´s just in me.
But, the great but…. I should haved gone to see my mother to the hospital,
I did spend 7 days with her, no sleep, fighting with the nurses normal things..
but I get to this house
and I just slack, I see YouTube videos, write a lot, read a lot, and my guess
is that I try to avoid the reality of my mothers situation.
Five- I said I avoid the reality, yet I do keep some sanity, and when I really
have to be the caretaker in this case, I just do it, talked with dad since when
I told mom that I wasn´t going today she got pissed off which is more than normal,
but the father(the one who came to my great military parade after I finished basic trainig)
the man actually understood me, I was the one taking care of her, he has to live
his life and make the money for them, and surprisingly he actually said that he would
talk to her, basically putting his ass on the line for me for her to be more comfortable.
Six- Charly….stop with the drinking and get your ass moving, did it,
so why not now? Get the fuck up you Charly idiot.
Got to get out of this diary thing. Just pissed off at me really.

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.

Silent death

It creeps into your body, as,
if it is somebody.
And it is somebody,deathly for the body.
Two years ago mother was diagnosed with cancer,
they treated her and now back with another cancer,
who knew? They detected it by a miracle,
I express it lyrical.
After seven days with her, today I had to come back to my house,
living with dirtiest mouse,
tomorrow back again with her and weeks more after she is released
from the hospital by Monday, but,
only me makes her laugh like is a festive Sunday.
I have all day to read you all, not all, I wish, but a lot,
you distract my brain from dirty snot.

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.

mom in the hospital…again

Probably why I didn´t feel to even get out of bed, like a bitch I am.
Thinking about me….Jesus, what has happened to me? I wasn´t like that before.
My mother had cáncer less than a year ago, and now back to the hospital
for..I don´t know. I´ll see tomorrow since it´s when I´m able to see her.
There is no buses to that hospital, I don´t have money for a taxi, I don´t
have a charger for my phone so I constantly have to borrow one or just turn it
off so I don´t burn the battery.Again, talking about me.
This is not looking good for her, I should have gone to see her weeks ago and
didn´t. Now is all regrets. I did talk to her today and the first thing she said
was that if I was going to go to see her to be “presentable”,forget that she
is in really bad shape and not to say she´s maybe dying. She is thinking of me,
and to not embarass her since this is a five star hospital. Strong women?
You don´t know what strong is until you meet my mother. And then my father,
with all he has in his plate….fuck.