cancer

0-100

0
I have this unstable process….
I go back to the shit town with the criminals
and I fall for it, that, the other, and become a bitch brother.
I stay in bed reading, not much to do there if it´s not good things.
Yet again, I´ll remain just sayin-my choice.
100
I get a call this morning, my mother. She is in the last stages of cancer.
Yesterday, she was vomiting. Not good. Me in bed feeling sorry for myself
because I went back to alcohol and drugs…hear? Feeling sorry for myself.
I get the call next day, put that in a shelf, jump out of bed, call the taxi.
I can feel the shift in my mentality, this is my important and sad reality.
Do I cry? No. Does my mind goes in a state of relaxation? Yes.
Weird that it is relaxed right? That is how it works if not I fuck up,
relax, get back to mothers house while talking with the taxi driver and
nudging her to speed up a bit by the way, either that or I my highway.
See mom, and with a smile on the face I tell her that my pants are clean.
She laughs, I know the seriousness but what good is it to be in crying-ess.

I go to 0-100, does not serve well in the overall life scheme, but in this situation
in any situation that death is involved, you better have a 100 percent not pussy cat
near you. And that is the only thing I know about me for real.

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.

the words of the grand priest

Here I am smoking my cigarettes, living in a house with criminalists.
And here we go to embarass myself:
One- I´ll read you but not today… or maybe, so you should feel thankfull.
Two- I was supposed to see my mother in the hospital today,but I´m drunk and high
so is not a good idea, and she is pissed off, I am ashamed, alcoholism is
degrading for me and most important for the people surrounding me.
Three- We all know life is not fair, just get over it.
Four- I have no clue how my mental state works. I go from 0 to 100,
there is no in-between. I will save your life literatlly, it´s just in me.
But, the great but…. I should haved gone to see my mother to the hospital,
I did spend 7 days with her, no sleep, fighting with the nurses normal things..
but I get to this house
and I just slack, I see YouTube videos, write a lot, read a lot, and my guess
is that I try to avoid the reality of my mothers situation.
Five- I said I avoid the reality, yet I do keep some sanity, and when I really
have to be the caretaker in this case, I just do it, talked with dad since when
I told mom that I wasn´t going today she got pissed off which is more than normal,
but the father(the one who came to my great military parade after I finished basic trainig)
the man actually understood me, I was the one taking care of her, he has to live
his life and make the money for them, and surprisingly he actually said that he would
talk to her, basically putting his ass on the line for me for her to be more comfortable.
Six- Charly….stop with the drinking and get your ass moving, did it,
so why not now? Get the fuck up you Charly idiot.
Got to get out of this diary thing. Just pissed off at me really.

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.

Silent death

It creeps into your body, as,
if it is somebody.
And it is somebody,deathly for the body.
Two years ago mother was diagnosed with cancer,
they treated her and now back with another cancer,
who knew? They detected it by a miracle,
I express it lyrical.
After seven days with her, today I had to come back to my house,
living with dirtiest mouse,
tomorrow back again with her and weeks more after she is released
from the hospital by Monday, but,
only me makes her laugh like is a festive Sunday.
I have all day to read you all, not all, I wish, but a lot,
you distract my brain from dirty snot.

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.

mom in the hospital…again

Probably why I didn´t feel to even get out of bed, like a bitch I am.
Thinking about me….Jesus, what has happened to me? I wasn´t like that before.
My mother had cáncer less than a year ago, and now back to the hospital
for..I don´t know. I´ll see tomorrow since it´s when I´m able to see her.
There is no buses to that hospital, I don´t have money for a taxi, I don´t
have a charger for my phone so I constantly have to borrow one or just turn it
off so I don´t burn the battery.Again, talking about me.
This is not looking good for her, I should have gone to see her weeks ago and
didn´t. Now is all regrets. I did talk to her today and the first thing she said
was that if I was going to go to see her to be “presentable”,forget that she
is in really bad shape and not to say she´s maybe dying. She is thinking of me,
and to not embarass her since this is a five star hospital. Strong women?
You don´t know what strong is until you meet my mother. And then my father,
with all he has in his plate….fuck.

My strange prayer

I thought it would be me
with the dog,
a good breed,
i write
and,
i do others things
like writing more!
so i´m the cool guy to fuck a girl and score
but,
who ever is whatever,
me,
got tired of that fucking around with all
so,
it makes me a perfect candidate to be a Christian,
a bad one though, but I truly believe.
Army days where, when
and I won´t say the dumb word in this line of work of ¨why¨ death,
they shot we shot back
killed.
With my time in civilian world, just drunk, stealing, fights,
and that is a small proportion so now i am making things rights.

Mother has cancer, chemotherapy seems to not going well,
my head does swell,
but i did spend almost a week with her and although we have
our differences, seems i´m still her kid, and the better thing
for me and her this week, was me talking to her of my crazy things
but ¨churching them up¨ as the americans would say.
Just her smile, that is only what I wanted, her smile.

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.

Her cancer?


Look at that pretty girl

The cancer went away
outside off the highway
she is a tough mother fucker
quite a strange saying since she is my mother
so good news to those under the booth
mama mama..i know you´ll be o.k
told you from the beginning
when it hit you smack in the face
that death could be in your eyes a disgrace
i was right
so this gives me a not drug high

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.