dark poetry

Stuck with a corpse

I have seen death before, and violent ones,
never struck me my mother would be part
of this tragic art.
I had my mind so prepared for this that I don´t cry.
I have been since Monday seeing her deteriorate and I´m not irrate,
it was exactly how I focused it in my mind for months, yet I don´t know why,
I do know why really, long story, but I´m the one in the family stuck seeing here
hour after hour hour after hour day plus day her deterioration to death,
Today I had to take a breath,
Got drunk.
If she is already uncoscious, she is going into a comma, I don´t even know if she is already in
the comma, doctors options told me and my father (we are only two left in the family)
that they could extend it for a week or so, but what kind of life is she having?
None, I see her in bed and detach myself, and consider this is the woman that raised me and
even at my age of 30 ´s I would everyday call her and tell her my crazy things for
her to laugh at me…. which I loved, I´m just the dummy. Yet at the same time when
the shit hits the fan, I´m the one stuck with her, and at this point I don´t know why,
she is unconscious, she looks like a corpse, and I lied before, I just cried while talking
to a hot nurse. She was too nice I think that was why the nurse made me cry, I don´t need
nice shit, I have to be detached if not I can´t function.
And I´m sleeping next to my mother knowing that I have no clue when she is going to stop breathing.
She put up with me for too many years(not always) but most of them, although if you think
about it, is kind of freaky seeing a corpse but for now breathes, and I don´t know if she
will stop breathing in half an hour, hour, tomorrow, nobody fucking knows. And me just standing
by to give the O.K for the people to take her to rest out of this fucking hospital. Fuck.

The nurse told me that having this song would in her subconscious would register… not sure about that
she liked the series and the music so I put it up in the computer to see if there is a reaction from her
no, no reaction, my guess is the hot nurse told me so to make me feel better, that is probably she
made me cry like a bitch, don´t need nice now. I do have to be detached. Fucking weird, yet it is life right?
Mother lived a great life, I´m the black sheep, yet I´m the one day after day, minute after minute in
a freaking hospital room trying to figure out if she is breathing constantly or not so constantly and the rest…
Just life. I would give right now everything for me to be dead rather than her. I know me, that is truth.
Just got to move forward, no other choice. This is the song she likes, I did introduce it to her though,
she likes the gangster things of that period plus the music. Just playing it over and over.

(I do realize in this situation the clip is kind of weird, yet is me and my family, fuck I need a cigarette)

Stage IV cancer

Three and a half years since mother was diagnosed
It was a hard punch in the nose
Back in the hospital again
Only difference she won´t walk out this time
I sit next to her all day and watch her decline
Talk to father he has to move his own things making life keep going for him-
My mothers wishes for him within
And I´m watching a corpse pretty much
My head has wrapped around the idea such
She rarely has her lucid moments
Today it briefly happened they were my omens
Not easy to watch your mother becomming a cadavre slowy
Yet surely
But I´m unable to cry

Got internet now in the hospital so read ya´ll later you innovator.

countaracting human instincts

Either I am that unconscious
or a jewel precious
I can tell you after my military experience
no difference
it has always since the day I was born, to help,
i don´t freeze. I just react to numerous of times in civilian world
to help the old lady passed out in the bus, to the drunk guy
on the floor and me giving him mouth to mouth until he started to get a breath at least
so he was good by the time the ambulance got there.
You do train in the military to do extreme types of jobs, but I was thinking (it´s rare)
that it has to be a good part of a person born with that.
I don´t know, just rambling upon my experience. I´m good to go though, see mommy tomorrow.
Quarantine uplifted, out we go. In this house which did turn into a whore house,
Getting cleaned, all the precautions bebore I enter moms house, I do have to see her
before she dies of termimanl carncer. I checked with dad, he said o.k,
Anyways, I do actually think that in my day and actually today, but in that part of my army day
I would smack you and I would die for you also, military training did help obviously,
yet I had to have something in me from the beginning, if not why would I safe 5 lifes in
the civilian world? Not to throw my flowers but it is the truth. Whoever read me for
some time, I do really hit the shit dime.(that was a weird commentary by the way, kind of yoga for me)

Adios pringado

In English would translate to “by you fucking idiot-dummy”,
Funny, if the so called herself called and going through my fathers Facebook,
telling the world she is my girlfriend… Jeeeeeeesus.
And the little whore with all the Real problems I have to deal with
she stills sends me messages, one after the other.
Pringado…… la pringada eres tu tonta.
“the dummy is you stupid”
You can´t win, you are frustrated
and is in your being to have the hatred
I´m not all that dummy yor animater
Plus you should thank me, making you famous bitch.

🙂 Fuck you( That was a weird one)

Poetry gone rarity(out of here today)

See? I have this “landlord lady”, she is (trying to make this short)
shit, I do know the real landlady and the landlord. He was the ex-governor
of this shit town. I know they read it. See it, greave bit.
So…what the fuck? This idiot bitch uses her “contacts” to basically fuck me,
Not the Real Landlord Lady/Men/ at this point…
I might have a joint.
She the unfortunate landlady, the one who lives 15 meters from my room,
got her “unique” friends to just fuck with me really.
How do this bitch and her bitches guys think I got the money out the of a bank?
And I truly believe they will entertain her in her react.
Those are fact.
I did tell her today ” Not gonna go good for you if you keep it up”
So shut the fuck up with taking out my internet that I pay not the other of her “friends”
And don´t piss me off when I´m sober, it can go wrong for your oger.
Punk this house(or me) and I will stay, because I know I can play, it, more than her and the guys
and gals she brings in without paying. That,
is a true saying.
Not playing.
but I could be the doing
your un-doing

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.

( fucking writing for these ones?….. already told them verbally, but is good to have it oppenly)

Pieces of the puzzle

The pieces of this puzzle,
Suddenly are not a foreign muzzle-
I´m ready.
Switch turned in head-now you are my enemy and no other choice
I have to destroy you before you do me in- Let´s start the begin.

Foot Note. Fuck me, I´m actually laughing…. and is coming a good one against me. Me? just laughing,
I´m sober. Usually happens that way: Charly-Sober-See-React just in the nickle of time. And usually comes on top.
Not always obviously, but usually yes. And yes, me, no help.
Sorry, I do have help. The foundations where laid not by me, I just have to build and do quite well in fucked up
situations coming at me, just build a bit on top of the foundation. Just me….. Staying Frosty.
Might as well have a laugh at it.

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.

High voltage stream of consciousness

Send it
What a fucking computer I “smuggled” into the hospital, 15 minutes to get into wordpress
and it seems the Chrome goes faster than the other internet “thing” i yelled bling, and
i got a shitting but what did i expect for a 250$ laptop? Not a great top it seems.So is
hard to keep up with all of you, even the comments i have to keep them short so the computer
do it´s quick matheweter and send the freaking comment. Let alone when your page has a lot
of photos i can spend the whole day looking at the little ball rolling around and round
and round for the page to load. I hate the computer, yet I´m lucky to have one, still pissed.
I hate this hospital, it is a private one and there are too many cool girls with thongs,
nurses included i feel like in a Tom Cruise movie, i have no proofread as you might see while
you read i hat that too.
Hot nurses and doc´s distracts me from my duties as the greatest caretacker maker of my mother.
Good news it seems they probably let her out this Friday and basically made her life a bit longer.
I was already expecting for this to be the last time she entered the hospital and not walk out.
These rich people of the hosptial all have electric cars, every time i go out for a smoke
i´m constantly scared shitless because of one of those electirc shits you can´t hear them at all
to smack me. I hate all these people rich or not rich that are on the phone constantly, i even
saw a 4 year old kid in the lobby waiting with their parents for the elevator to come and him
watching a video on the phone of two teenage girls doing some kind of weird gymnistic things
in a soccer field, what the fuck? Feminist won, you made us a bunch of pussies.
I hate elecrtic cars, I hate people talking outloud on their phones I hate hospitals, I hate..
at leas my mother is still alive which is the important. What a pussy society we have become, I
even hate the hatters so I hate myself and then re think and unhate me, but hate all the others…
So fuck it, read as many as i can of you when this shit can computer goes faster, if ever, whatever,
now it seems it´s going so so so….so i also hate the computer. This was profound, you´re welcome.

Stay Frosty gents and gentesses.